Why did Donald Duck break up with Daisy Duck? Turns out she was a quack whore.
What are Kierkegaard's two favourite fruits? Melon and Broccoli!
Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs
Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland? Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers