Joke my dad told me: What's black and white and red, and has trouble going through a revolving door? A nun with a javelin through her head
My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.
Wife: Nothing you could say could convince me that cockroaches aren't the worst. Me: Wall-E's friend was a cockroach. Wife: Except that.
What's the difference between an oral, and rectal thermometer? The taste.
No, you hang up first. Me to Pizza Hut