Can't believe I've already spent $500 on mayonnaise this year.
Daniel Day-Lewis walks into a bar. Bartender says, ""What'll it be?"" but he already knows because he's also Daniel-Day Lewis.
I went to school with a girl who said her last name was Faux. I thought to myself, ""Man, that's got to be fake.""
Just got seen around town doing modern guy stuff like leaning on things, holding my phone & staring disapprovingly at nothing in particular.
Why are Indians so bad at soccer? Because everytime they get a corner they open a stall.
