If you think I'm an alcoholic... If you think **I'm** an alcoholic, you should see this guy Jesus he got hammered in my church once.
A cop stopped a man smoking cannabis while driving The officer asked ""how high are you?"" The man replied ""no officer, its hi how are you""
I didn't like my haircut at first... But it's growing on me.
The #NSA walks into a bar. Bartender: ""Got a new joke for you."" NSA: ""Heard it.""
If Facebook has proved ANYTHING, it's that the love of your life is someone you've never actually met.