I'm one of those people who do not celebrate milestones or maybe a new year or other milestones that regular people see as an opportunity to drink or binge eat. Maybe it's just because I'm not naturally wired or gifted the opportunity to do so. Maybe not, it's just my disposition, but one thing I've learned is that we eventually adapt to what we are, no matter how bad or weird we might be, especially if we cannot do anything to change these things.
When we cannot change what we are, we fight against time to establish acceptance, or else life might not be worth living. We're built to accept ourselves even if the whole world rejects us, however, there's a catch. Constant rejection can make us kill the thoughts of self-love. This is to say that no matter how much we like to accept our flaws, there's a mental state of apathy we reach by experiencing external rejection by the people we might want to seek approval from.
Like it or not, everyone has a person whom they inadvertently and subconsciously seek their approval, even if we might not want to admit it. However, for the most of it, a lot of people accept themselves, because life is going to be hell when they don't. In life, people are meant to self-love themselves, whether they like it or not. It's coming to terms with what you are by default. It's one way to find peace.
However, it's not everyone who accepts what they are, especially if it makes them unfairly disadvantaged. Hell! Most of the time I spend quality time in self-loathing, and over time, calamitous experiences in my life have plunged me deeper into self-loathing. For four months I've spent my time trying to fix things.
I thought I had control over my life and actions, but unfortunately, things went out of hand, I lost my brother in the process and it just still feels like a bad dream that I want to wake up from. Unfortunately, it's reality, the fact that I cannot accept it is proof that constantly going through the wringer makes you thin to pain rather than immune like most people would think. My health has been all over the place, quite complicated and overwhelmingg.
I've had bouts of sleepless nights. Hating the things that other people love and enjoy is proof of my present mental state. I still cannot comprehend the inconclusiveness of my health condition and the prognosis, the way forward, and how to fight this issue, I just feel zapped, and my energy is drained. Irrespective of my undoings, I spend every day being thankful even if there's a tendency to wallow in grief. It's been a long road, and I've come a long way, I can't say I haven't had my "fun times" and getting used to life being good is probably why I cannot seem to adjust and fight spiritually, spiritually and mentally to adjust to my new reality and find ways to at least make them fairer.
So yes. Sometimes I feel that we might not truly hate the lives of others when everything feels over and done for us, it's just that we wish we could have that life, and experience freedom, peace, and joy as others do. Sadly the glee experience of others doesn't make us feel better, this is why it's easier to incline to others who are having it tough in life, because they're the only people we can truly understand and vice versa. Something knowing someone is going through something similar brings peace and acts as a form of coping skill. Only grief understands grief.
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