The past one month has been one of the most difficult in my life, this has been as a result of being in and out of hospital, facing family commitments and responsibilities, being phased with meeting deadlines and the pressure that comes with it and of course having to always mentally push myself to always stay positive.
Truth is, there are things we would never learn in life unless we're sequestered with our thoughts, fighting silent battles, having to cope with any sort of pain or going through things we might be too embarrassed to talk about. Of course, in life there are things, challenges that we're too embarrassed to talk about, instead of facing it head on, we always try to use silence or ignorance as a coping skill to deaden Its effect in our lives.
One of the most difficult things in life is telling ourselves the truth and the reason is that, reality is harsh and one of the ways to mitigate this harshness is trying to tell ourselves what we need to hear.
Sometimes, we know we need to talk to someone, maybe someone distant, close or immediately accessible but then, we evaluate their response, would it be filled with empathy or pity, would my story resonate with theirs? If they know about these issues, would it bring a feeling of familiarity, or would it just be a waste of time?
I wouldn't know. Truth is, these questions might seem too skeptical, too strict or too overbearing. But it's the truth. One thing about the truth is that it puts us in a state of unsteadiness, imagine if humans could be omniscient, they could see their future, see into their past or seeing into the role other people would play in their happiness or sadness. Mere knowing the truth alone can make living a wastage of time.
We often thrive on uncertainty. Not knowing the outcome of tomorrow or the future makes our existence rather colorful. We're equipped with the right amount of knowledge to keep us going, but then there's nothing perfect about our existence, it can often reek, it can be gory and at the same time, it can be beautiful.
That said, there are truth about our lives that can actually make us see no essence to our living. But the fact that we love life, we want to live it, we believe we can change the course of tomorrow through our actions, this gives us the motivation to keep going. In my situation.
I try to be too predictive of people because I've faced a lot of disappointments. Sometimes my gut tells me things, it keeps me aligned to my state of reality, but my humanity, my conscience often counters it.
Truth is, there's an aspect of us that wants to be conversant with the truth. What do others think of us? What opinion do people have of us? What of their ideologies. But then, the aspect that wants to ignore all this and just bask in uncertainty is often acting as an equilibrium.
Over the past few weeks, I've been toast. I've been trying to live hopefully and at the same time I've been trying to tell myself some bitter truth about myself. At the end of the day, I only discovered that I never really wish to conform to what reality feels like. I just wanted to be loved, feel secure and live a good life.
But sometimes I imagine: where does my happiness really lie? Do I have to always go through the process of trial and error to find people who wants to be effortlessly part of my life? Why can't I just meet them now, must I be exposed to evil in other to appreciate good?
As a result of being too detailing, I often ask myself: when will the commitment end? When will people stop being their caring self and turn into wolves? Being conversant with how bad a good condition or circumstance can turn often make you live on the edge, you're always waiting for when the bridge will fall.
Inasmuch as this might be seen as negativity.... It is actually being far more conversant with the truth. In reality, there's the negative aspect of being exposed to the truth or being familiar with the truth. It makes you doubt the process, makes you see the inevitability of disappointments, especially in people.
You question the motive of others even before you completely know them, and life eventually feels like a spy cam. Nevertheless, people's experiences can make them lose faith in humanity... While I haven't, sometimes I doubt if I have not.
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My name is @Josediccus, a young Nigerian entrepreneur who is a Vlogger, A Psychologist, Poet, Sports Writer/Analyst & Personal Finance Coach. I'm using my contents as a process to create shared meaning as well as create expressions through which people on/off hive can relate. I believe content is a process to be enjoyed and relished and I'm up for any collaborations in my field stated above. Cheers
I'm hoping to reach more people who are broken at heart and spirit, so share on any platform or reblog
