I scribbled down some of my thoughts, and I woke and decided to scrap it. Perhaps I wasn't feeling as I was yesterday.
My mood is different from yesterday, and I thought that post didn't embody some character trait of my spiritual life. It's easy to understand that the mood can determine present-daythoughts, attitude, and actions, but when we feel better or worse, then the mood changes again.
I haven't been feeling jived or hopeful as I used to be, and this has affected my thoughts, state of mind, and realistic perception. This has been chronic for over two years and hasn't gotten better. However, I woke up not feeling as disappointed as I did yesterday.
Did anything change?
No, I just woke up a bit different. For what it's worth, I'm not ashamed of my periods of crashing out; it helps me to cope through situations, and I'm glad I even have people who tend to read them. In real life, I don't get to be so expressive; all I do is work, push through the pain and stress, and then come back to crash out on Hive.
There are good and bad days, and yesterday was one of those crashout days; thankfully, I didn't post that yesterday. I continue my recovery as usual; it's been almost two months, and I still cannot function at the level I used to.
While I'm so impatient to get on with it, I still have these little worries about how my anxiety levels bump up my blood pressure. I've been in so many stressful life situations, and I've been able to handle them well; unfortunately, it isn't the same anymore.
So once more I've added more pills to my regimen and been trying to find peaceful thoughts to counter my stressful moments. I have nothing to hold on to, but here I am again.
On the other hand, I noticed someone I used to know on Hive came back to post after 6 years of not doing that. They supported me way back in the early days, and I decided to welcome them back and leave some support for them.
At the end of the day, we're all we have, and sometimes Hive feels like that layer where we have people to tap into, maybe even become friends with them, and all that. So I want to use that opportunity to thank everyone who has supported me in any way, whether in kind or words or any other way. I'm grateful for the constant comment and support; you've been amazing, and I appreciate you all.
