Sitting in a cafe while sipping my Chai Latte with Oat milk, I thought to write a quick post today. It's been a while since I wrote something about myself. Can't believe it's been almost 4 and a half years since I left Ukraine and ended up in the Netherlands; it feels like everything happened yesterday. A lot of things have changed, and as a person, I have grown up so much. I think life has taught me a lot in many ways, and in the end, I am proud of who I am today.
Even though my life journey in the Netherlands started in a rough, uneven way, I survived and am living a life that was never my first choice. In some way, I was kind of forced to choose this life in the Netherlands, but little by little I adapted and set my mindset according to the present. It was never easy, especially when I had to face the darkest moments of my life. Today, while drinking my coffee, I was thinking about my growth and my mental health. A person who almost lost interest in living and believing in herself now has space to think about living in the present. Yes, I am not ambitious, and I am not chasing a good future, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to set a goal for my future. I remember it was so difficult to explain people about me who were close to me once but now I really don't care what they think about me. My anxiety about being judged all the time by people has reduced a lot, and somehow I understood that it really doesn't matter, and I don't need any explanation.
I guess I reached a point where nothing matters to me except myself. Going through a long treatment with my therapist taught me that I should prioritize myself, and sometimes being selfish is okay. My well- being, my mental health and peace should always priority rather than thinking what my relatives and family is thinking. As a result, I became disconnected from so many relatives and friends. I may not speak Dutch or English fluently, or maybe I am not good at doing everything, but I learned to appreciate my effort. There were people who made me feel small, and as a result, I suffered a lot with my self-confidence and self-esteem. It took me a long time to recover from my traumas and issues, little by little. One step at a time.
So, what exactly changed? Despite shitty living conditions, I changed and learned about life the hard way. Knowing the uncertainty of the future, I have decided to live my everyday life and do as much as possible. I stopped blaming myself, and I appreciate my everyday life. I like lazing around and trying to calm myself when I face difficult circumstances and pressure. Since I consider myself a pressure cooker, sometimes pausing and lazing is the best option; otherwise, I will explode. I am still learning Japanese and Dutch Language and my Dutch vocabulary improved a lot. Did I make any new friends? Yes, I have new girl friends from the gaming community from all over the world. I have seen a lot of places that left some memorable memories.
Apparently, I seek a good future for myself, but don't ask me about the location because I haven't decided on it. I think everybody desires a good life and good health, and I am not an exception.
Well, since I am in a noisy weekend cafe where kids are constantly crying and playing around, I don't know what I am writing, so I might edit the post later. Until then...
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Priyan...
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@priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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