Someone on Hive I know texted me today, they wanted to let me know that there was a cure somewhere that could benefit me, and I forgot I didn't have their number saved.
I thanked them and went on to tell them that I already know about the "cure" but went on to tell them that it was accessible to me and many others.
However, I'm glad they they thought of me. I haven't really been in touch with reality for 3 years now. I've been living, hustling, praying, fighting, worshipping, changing, but never really keyed in to enjoying life, just "living it"
I honestly don't enjoy most of the hustles, because I'm not healthy enough to find the thrill, just hustling for the fear of bills and commitment, because of course, no one cares.
However, I'm old enough to realize that there's a difference between giving up and being tired of fighting it all. While the latter can cause the former, somehow I still find myself holding the life.
It's easy to say "don't give up, don't stop fighting" however when life becomes chronically repetitive in a sad way, it's difficult to find the strength to keep going without being sincerely tired.
We live in a world that's purely extractive. Wicked bosses, manipulative jobs; those that are created to tire you, pay you less while extracting all your energy. The pharmaceutical system that wants to make sure a cure never exists so they can keep making money.
These systems are there to take away from you, and if you're coming from a place of inability, that's only when you'd realize that life's competition doesn't spare the weakest person.
However, you have to find motivation to keep going, we all leave this earth someday already, and living fulfilled means putting everything you have on the life to make sure you make an impact of your own. Self-motivation is the best thing. I consider external motivation very aggrandizing and this is because I think there's literally no one who can help us up except we decided to get up.
I'm not saying we don't need others, we do, in reality we can only truly give up or don't if we find the inner strength to do so. I hustle everyday, tirelessly, in severe illness and and lack of motivation or strength, because the bills has to be paid. I'd wish I have a personal business or brand that can generate some income, so I can leave the gig market, but there aren't capital to do that.
So what?
I guess I'll take my own advice and continue fighting
