I've been going through some nail-biting experiences as of late, and one of the many ways I cope or deal is assuring myself that there are more people going through similar things or even more. This is how I show up on a daily basis, broken, pained, hurt, tired and ragged out, but finding a reason to float rather than succumbing to the many reasons why I should sink.
It's always easy to give it all up, the pressure to go down is lesser easier than staying up, and it's not everyone that's built to withstand the constant heat that life brings on a daily basis.
One of the reasons why I try not to blame people who are suicidal is because, the mind can only picture or imagine pain to a limit it's not built to envisage the degree of pain which a human can go through unscathed. Many try to blame people who are suicidal or have suicidal tendencies, so even go ahead to judge and criticize their motive.
While I'll try not to judge them (suicidal people), I try as much as possible to recognise the fact that being sucidal is an overwhelming process, a continuous chipping into one's ability to withhold or take in difficult challenges and slowly takes it's toll from within. It is a phenomenon that cripples one's immunity.
Truth is, we're built, juiced up to see or envisage hope even in hopeless situations and this immunity helps up stay alive, or find a reason to. However, most people go down that rabbit hole but just manages not to finally fall into that abyss, while some will just about fall, in the process of trying to withhold.
Life isn't fair, people aren't allowed to control their own lives and as a result of this, a person can continue experiencing ill fortunes and the more they constantly do so, each experience chips away at their courage, their strength and their resolve, till nothing is left and they can no longer take it anymore.
I like to silently deal with my issues, because I handle negative emotions better when I bottle it than when I talk about it. Some people are built to contrast this. Nevertheless having sucidal tendencies is different from being sucidal.
Being excessively depressed for example might cause anti-social behaviour which might lead to one being dangerous to themselves or to others. I was in a public transportation today and the person transporting me began to swerve the cab, before even began doing so, I was in a deep state of thought, pained by a certain traumatic experience I had just gone through and even when the thoughts were eating into me.
I was thinking of solutions to protect my mental health rather than having the thoughts to end my life. The way I panicked, scared for my life even in that deep state of pain, proved to me that I was only broken and not suicidal.
Recently, I've chosen to be unafraid of making some choices and I've constantly come out really battered from these choices I've made, I've however noticed that I'm beginning to lose my ability to go anymore, I've began to see failure even without making any attempts.
This is where I chose to draw my line. People can easily become sucidal when they don't protect their immunity. Life is harsh, but then it's beautiful. We need to constantly see an equilibrium point in other to find a reason to keep living. Truth is, material things cannot create a motivation to keep going and this is because it is ephemeral. When one's motivation to keep thriving is built around ephemeral things.
What then happens to them immediately these possessions are not longer there? It's the same with building one's motivation with people, sometimes we build our motivation to keep living with people who we aren't certain of their longevity in our lives and the moment they leave, life suddenly becomes colourless.
No one is totally immune, sometimes we are sometimes anchored to prospects, people, place or feeling that are bound to fail, we know and recognise this but still choose to continue. While our conscience makes us human, there's an aspect of it that completely makes us blind to reality and what being logical should be about.
While we cannot control, prevent or stop bad things from happening to us, sometimes we need to consider the greater repercussions rather than choosing to succumb to the instant gratification we might experience by making logical choices in a bid to protect our mental health.
Our mental health needs to be protected at at cost, because it's the origin, the brainbox that might nurture these toxic feelings. In whatever you're going through, try to stay afloat. Find an incorrigible reason to keep thriving.
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My name is @Josediccus, a young Nigerian entrepreneur who is a Vlogger, A Psychologist, Poet, Sports Writer/Analyst & Personal Finance Coach. I'm using my contents as a process to create shared meaning as well as create expressions through which people on/off hive can relate. I believe content is a process to be enjoyed and relished and I'm up for any collaborations in my field stated above. Cheers
I'm hoping to reach more people who are broken at heart and spirit, so share on any platform or reblog
