After my lunch with Paige and Nigel I found it hard to get back to work and concentrate. Nigel's innocent questions had stirred up some ghosts from the past I thought I had laid to rest, but obviously hadn't.
How did I end up dating Claire instead of Paige and why was there such a gap in my memory? It seemed every time I tried to break through that barrier I ended up frustrated.
The last two years seemed like a bad dream I assumed were the natural consequences of lack of impulse control and not being able to hold my liquor. But what if Paige was right―what if Sloane Kettering slipped a drug into my drink that caused me to act inappropriately on both those unfortunate occasions?
In the space of a month, I lost out on a department headship and taking charge of the research project and to add insult to injury, ruined my relationship with Claire.
It was a nightmare.
Nigel asked why I was interested in researching memory and the answer was plain―I had crucial gaps in my experience. I not only needed to rehabilitate my reputation but to understand my life and why I made certain crucial decisions.
I was hoping to administer Remnisivere to myself in hopes it would enable me to clearly recall otherwise foggy incidents in my life that caused me such losses.
I needed to be absolutely clear if I chose Paige as my life mate it would be for all the right reasons.
I shivered suddenly and realized that although the day had been warm the temperature had fallen. After all, it was still spring and sudden changes were common.
I put on a sweater and added another log to the fire. Lightning flared in the west―a storm was rolling in.
Normally, I'd cherish moments like these, curled up before the fire with a glass of wine. But not tonight. Tonight, I felt neither safe nor secure―I could feel electricity in the air and knew a huge storm was coming.
Change was the name of the game and a change was coming.
The next day the freshmen girls were back at their table in the Hart House Grill, exchanging gossip and casting giggling looks my way. Everything seemed back to normal except for one thing―Sylvie was again absent. I wondered if she'd show up for my morning lecture.
But surprisingly, she didn't and again the discussion and question period afterwards ran smoothly without her digressing questions and observations.
I couldn't decide if I were concerned she was missing, or relieved that I could get on with the business of teaching. Mind you, there was one other possibility―it crossed my mind I might miss her...
And that was really concerning because she was beautiful and flirtatious and perhaps I missed her flattery.
I put the matter out of my head and as usual, met up with Paige for lunch and discussed plans for getting the research project underway.
Howard Innis, head of the funding committee, forwarded our funds so Paige and Nigel could get started purchasing computers and lab equipment and set up advertising on campus for volunteer test subjects.
Paige and Nigel were excited to get going and their enthusiasm spread to me. The project was beginning to gather momentum.
There was a two hour block of time I had set aside in the late afternoon for student appointments, but after that my time was free and I'd be able to touch base with Paige and see how her trip went and what we still needed in the way of equipment and supplies.
I checked the sign up sheet posted outside my door and saw I had no scheduled student appointments. I decided to use the time to grade student assignments and was engrossed in that when there was a faint knock and I looked up to see Claire Williams' smiling face.
"Hi Cole, I was on my way across campus and thought I'd drop by and see how you were doing. Is this a good time?"
I rose to meet her, giving her a friendly hug.
"As it turns out, no students want to see me today. I suppose my charm has waned."
She laughed softly, "I seriously doubt that―you're still a hot topic in the campus gossip mill―and certain female students find you very charming."
"I think you're referring to a certain gaggle of freshmen girls who spend more time gossiping than working at their studies."
She fluffed of my objection. "Take it where you find it," I always say, "with students, a little charm goes a long way. By the way, I see you and Paige are getting along well and now you're going to be working together."
I felt instantly defensive and felt I owed her an explanation.
"Paige and I have always been friends―I needed a research partner and she was available and I know I can trust her."
"I think it's wonderful the way you two are so close. I'm glad for you both. I hope it works out for you."
Suddenly, the field shifted and she was no longer talking about a work collaboration but her remark was personal. I knew exactly what she meant and what she didn't say.
I opted to be direct. "I know you and Paige are best friends―I hope this won't complicate things."
"Not at all," she smiled, "I like to know where I stand and never did understand what took you and Paige so long―everyone else could see how well you both got along. I'm so happy for the two of you."
And before I could answer, she was gone.
There was no doubt in my mind she was giving us her blessing―it was just hard for me to come to terms with what happened between Claire and me.
I still had affection for Claire, but I loved Paige and always had. I just finally got around to acknowledging it.
We were twin flames springing from the same fire, intensely burning, blazing with the same love.
