― Haruki Murakami
Captivating
The evening which had started out with such promise, ended so badly. Reality bites. You can conjure elaborate visions of the way things should go, but dreams collide with the real world simply because there's always the advent of the unexpected.
Well, running into Juliet at the restaurant was certainly unexpected and somehow the fabric of time got twisted and Elise ended up confessing she was an undercover officer working for CSIS, the Canadian spy agency.
I think I was emotionally exhausted from Shannon's deceit and the strain of trying to separate truth from fiction when it came to Maine Blair. At any rate, Elise's moment of truth quickly descended into bathos when I realized I again had been duped by a beautiful woman.
I don't care about her motives, it's just the fact I was led around by the nose by a female charmer and ended up feeling cuckolded.
Sometimes life has a way of turning out so badly.
I came home to an empty house , feeling morose and defeated. I couldn't simply go to bed―I'd just end up tossing and turning, reviewing scenes from the night in my head and raving as if in some fever dream.
Instead, I let a fire, poured a glass of wine and listened to a freak late January rainstorm pelt against the windows.
I felt safe and sheltered before the fire and the wine warmed me and kept my mood mellow.
It could be worse, I mused, I could be out walking in the storm. And I've done that before trying to out walk my sorrows and lose myself in a downpour.
But warm and dry by the fire was far more pleasant and conducive to relaxation.
Give me peace, I mused and slipped into a gentle sleep.
Once again, like a compass needle seeking due north, my mind conjured up images of Elise.
We were walking in the rain, sharing an umbrella and the rain wrapped us in its glassy arms, curtaining us off from the rest of the world.
Reality began to retreat and fade to coloured window squares lost in the mist until all that remained was she and I, sheltering from storms in each other's arms.
I awoke in the pale light of dawn, the fire cold and my arms empty. Yes, I felt desolate.
Sometimes being in your own truth isn't enough, especially when you experience a denudation or lack.
As I went though the motions of formally going to bed, I replayed the dream in my head. It seemed whenever I simply let my mind drift, it conjured up images of Elise.
Try as I might to fight it, I began to see what she was to me―a liminal portal through which I entered a safe place filled with sensations of her lips and skin and the scent of her perfume.
In truth, I was enthralled and there was no denying it.
I awoke again just after ten am, and got up and made breakfast.
I was finishing my second cup of coffee when my cell phone vibrated and skated around the coffee table. I picked up to hear Tobias Lawrence's voice on the other end.
"Hope I didn't wake you, Cole―is it too early?"
"Hey, Tobias―no, I'm awake and was just finishing breakfast. What's up?"
"Could you drop by my office this morning? I have something I want to discuss with you but don't want to do it over the phone."
"Sure I'll come by. Sounds very mysterious though."
"We'll talk when you arrive. See you then, my friend."
Ordinarily Tobias is very transparent and open. It's not like him to be cryptic and guarded. Frankly, his early morning call had me worried.
Did he get wind of something and feel compelled to warn me?
I was getting tired of all the intrigue surrounding Maine Blair and his so-called plan of disclosure. I wondered whether this was all some elaborate conspiracy hoax designed by Shannon to draw listeners to the program.
But if that were the case, it would be reassuring and I wouldn't have to worry about disclosing state secrets or be concerned with government blow back over threats to national security.
I hoped it was the latter because my patience had worn thin and I was ready to abandon the program altogether. As a matter of fact, it might be a good idea to run that possibility by Tobias and our legal team and see if there were some way I could get out of my contract with Shannon.
I just wanted to return to writing and should never have ventured into strange waters with dangerous consequences.