I guess you could call my heart sticky,
I still remember the time one of your favorite songs came on and I was singing along to impress you, you said I was ruining it, so I just got quiet.
I still remember when we were watching that new show on Netflix, and I was excited to make a joke because I thought you'd laugh, you said I was ruining it, so I just got quiet.
I remember each time that you were playing video games on the couch. I'd run out excited to tell you something, hoping to make you proud, and you'd just look annoyed at me, if you looked at me at all. So I kept trying, and trying, and trying, but eventually, I just got quiet.
These are not the actions of evil people. These are the responses of my friends and family, people who say they care and say they love me. But sometimes, I'm just a too much for them. Sometimes I ruin it. I can't help but wonder if I'm just an annoying kid in people's lives, talking too much and being too loud.
So that's what my insecurity and shame look like, those are the needles in my heart, and the dammed up tears that make my eyes twinkle. These are the reasons I keep looking at the clock, and counting down to being run away from again.