Like what actually happens to introvert and a sensitive person when he/she enters into a relationship. I usually write about things which have actually happened to me in real life. My feelings and my emotions are usually to myself only, i just entered in a relationship just 2 months ago, though a new one but i am still stuck between how to express how i feel. It's not like that i haven't ever felt bad or he never hurted me, he do hurt me a lot, even the smallest change or action of the person who is important in my life gets noticed by me and i seriously feel so bad and pity on myself and feel that i am the only one in this relationship.
I just had one of my relationship for a year with the person who was equally putting efforts as i did, but i feel i put lesser one and that's the karma, which is returning to me, anyways, when we both were interested for each other we do were very comfortable with each other and very well explained each other about how we felt. Like i am not comparing anyone, you just tell me one thing do you yourself feel good when you are treated "almost" so well and then suddenly coming across a person that you like who treats you like you are nothing, you are feeling so bad to express what you feel which was just disrupted by the person who did it.
But this time i seriously don't feel the same, when he gets hurt for the things which don't exist he say it brutally on my face but what about my feelings, i have never confessed some things and they just keep on wandering in my mind, roaming from the left part of my brain to that of the right part, and i just have myself, my overthinking, my tears and my pillow with myself just nothing else, he might think i am okey but i am not, but the problem comes when i am not able to confess.
I just feel like, this is no topic to argue or fight upon so just leave it and be mature, but this is ain't my maturity but my stupidities which are really impacting my mental health and even worsing my overthinking. He just said me a line today though the smallest but it hurted me, i didn't confessed because i have no will to do and i just accepted myself as a loser who don't have a good amd strong will either to speak or not to feel. I just be for myself, prepare my questions along with my answers.
Some feelings of mine just stay within me they do try to find a way out don't get one ot there is no way actually made for them, they are intentionally meant to be all inside. I just feel so heavy by keeping them but i didn't find him to be a good carrier of it. He is just a passing bag from which the things usually fall and if it happens my feelings are not meant to be fallen by someone else i will definitely keep them in a good State within me i guarantee and my this approach resulted in my introvert behaviour, hard to bear...
Infact except my relationship with my partner it could be with anyone else also. The amount of efforts i put i always get the least one, even if i try so hard. Like how bad would one feel putting continuous efforts in a relationship and then bearing all the insults and tortures and left with just her silly feelings inside her mind, no one to express it with, just imagine how would one feel by continuously trying so hard to hold, putting up efforts, bearing all insults by going again and again, feels so hard to breath, accumulated with thoughts and depressed feelings, no one there to listen to all this and at last after trying so hard with i get is damn you nothing.
In such a situation what condition will be the person in no one knows accept that one who want to cry so hard by writing it over here. My depression and my sadness is really forever, happiness just comes to me for a while and they vanishes off well. My eyes are currently filled with water and tears are coming out really very fluently while writing all this but all i have are is My Online Dairy - Notes. I think it would be a enough.
It would definitely now lead to detachment, specified well. Detachment and letting go is the only solution left for me to get out of it because i can't hold the rope that bleeds my hands. I have to leave it to give my hands some peace and cure to get well and in a better situation all by themselves. Carrying out an example isn't much a big deal but solving that deal is one. I think that my existence did bother everyone but my goodbye won't i guarantee, this shall be for my good only.
When you hold something it hurts you only, let's imagine a diamond put up in the centre and tied with the rope, from one side it's been pulled by a truck and on the other side you are there, who will win? Obviously the truck so similarly when you know the answer that you are gonna loose in this relation when why to hold it on when you have the answer with you which is tested by full proof methods and you beat very surely about it.
So i think DETACHMENT SHALL WORK...
The image is sourced.
