It took me a while to think of the perfect answer to give in today’s prompt because if it involves life lessons or values that I learnt or inculcated when I was younger and I’m carrying till now, I think there would be a dozen. But again, I wanted to find the most relatable or maybe the most poignant that would resonate with my life today.
There are a lot of things I picked up as a child but I remember something my Dad would say to my sisters and I time and time again.
I loved getting my way as a child. Somehow, I still do but in a more relaxed manner. Back then, I would fume and throw tantrums when the slightest thing seemed not to go the way I wanted. If I needed to have something, I didn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t have it. The fact that someone else was in possession of it or rightfully owned it was not my problem. If I wanted it, it had to be made available.
I didn’t exactly see myself as a spoilt brat or anything. Or maybe I was but my Dad soon called me to order. So, there were these boots I loved. They were mid-calf cowboy boots that had a zipper you could draw open and close. I loved those boots and admired them from the showcases I would see them in. But for some reason, my parents never got it for us. I say us because my elder sister loved them as well. It was a mutual admiration.
I realized soon enough that my parents may never buy the boots so I slowly began to take my mind off it. Then the unimaginable happened. My sister’s birthday came and she received gifts. One of which was, you guessed it, the cowboy boots. Her friend’s Mom who had just returned from a trip overseas got it for her daughter and somehow, it ended up not being her daughter’s size so she gave it to my sister instead.
My sister was elated and while I was nearly green with envy, I reasoned that my sister and I mostly shared everything anyway. So the boots were more or less mine. I was in for a rude awakening for my sister decided not to be so liberal with this particular gift. And I remember throwing tantrums and yelling cause she wouldn’t let me wear it to go visit a friend.
I made a whole lot of noise till my Dad shushed me very sternly saying, “Hey! Don’t cry for what is not yours. Cease those tears at once.” I remember my lips wobbling from the unshed tears. It felt worse being yelled at like that because my Dad rarely yelled at me. And truth is, he didn’t really explain it to me but even back then, I got the memo. It didn’t belong to me so why feel entitled over it?
He made that statement a few more times as I grew up. And I realized it wasn’t about actual tears and also not about direct things that people had. I realized that sulking over something I didn’t get, a prize I felt I deserved but couldn’t have, all built up to that. The fact that I couldn’t get something that I wanted and that thing ended up with another person was enough to let it go.
I know that there are situations in which you need to fight back but in the general sense of it, that’s what I picked up. Sometime in 2021, my friend and I applied for a job as a teacher in a renowned primary school in my state. I remember being called to the office after the exam we took with the other applicants and I was informed that I had the highest score. A near-perfect score. I was elated and then sat for the interview. The interviewers kept smiling all through and I already knew that the job was mine.
A week later my friend called to report ecstatically that she’d gotten the job and if they’d gotten back to me yet. I said they hadn’t, already feeling the familiar dread wash over me. Long story short, I didn’t have the job. I felt absolutely no resentment towards my friend but I remembered being sad and bitter till the words of my Dad came back to me.
“Don’t cry for what’s not yours...”
I stopped sulking and went on to try other things. My success rate was such that I immediately felt the peace that comes with picking up the pieces and trying again. I could list a dozen other scenarios but yeah, this has blissfully stayed with me. I don't cry for what's not mine because I could get better if I worked hard enough
Shout out to the April Inleo prompts for this chance to reflect. Do hop on this trend if you’re yet to.>>>
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