One thing is about interest. I can give my all to it. I actually left my full-time gig for a private clinic. At some point, my mind reminded me of the obstacles I'm going to face. Was I willing to let another suffer? That's the same question I kept asking myself.
I didn't want that, but then my body spoke otherwise; some days I come back so drained and tired. Some days my legs hurt so badly, and my mind is restless and unforgiving, keeping me restless.My head is always actively analyzing how to manage my time and get free from my to-do list and target each day.
At some point I fail, and at some point I win. Failure is something that most times keeps singing in my ears; there is no room to beg anyone because I just can't stop imagining the side talks and humiliation that will linger with it.
It takes a lot to ask for help from another, and it's also draining to bear the boredom, but sometimes most people think you're doing too much.I remember telling someone I head over to the clinic every day except for on Sunday. Yeah, it's draining on me, but I guess I know what I want and what I'm looking for.
The person's kind suggestion was for me to go three times in a week. I thought about it, but then the remaining four days—what happens? What if I get to miss a lot? I'm learning, and I want to learn every single thing, which is why I go every day, and yeah, I see myself improving and liking something I hated for years and never thought I was going to practice.
Now I analyze the cost of starting up a clinic and getting a little machine I could lay my hands on.The little slight chance I get whenever there is no patient, I use them to go through other things I have to achieve in my to-do list.
Moving from one task to the other, at some point it gets too much, but I can't help it eating me up each day. Most times I hardly sleep; my mind reminds me each time of the things I miss and I was supposed to do.
Sometimes whenever some days don't work out, I feel like screaming; sometimes I feel it is just too much, but then I just can't stop even if I want to. Even when I try and fail, I just have to reflect, find a really quiet place, sit down alone, and just allow myself to catch a break. Sometimes I just take a break, recollect on what I'm doing wrong, and get back on my feet.
Conquering my fear and failure. Patience is one of the affirmations I give myself each day, though sometimes I feel I'm not doing it right; sometimes the good enough syndrome eats up my mind, but I believe in 365 days you don't lose every day, and one day you will surely win.
