Chaos Denied...

I have so much chaos in my life, it's become normal. You become used to it. You have to just relax, calm down, take a deep breath and try to see how you can make things work rather than complain about how they're wrong. – Tom Welling

Times are a little different to say the least these days aren’t they?! I cannot speak for anyone but myself – but this (not so) little cheaply sugar laced, “government” induced, and nauseating reality that we have all been coaxed into - certainly is beginning to get a little long in the tooth in my opinion! People are losing their sense of humour, acting out of character, patience is wearing thin, emotions are running high, time has either become all-consuming- or ever elusive and add to that… everyone is trying to put on a brave face!

…This goes for me too, because putting on a brave face is something that I was (indirectly) taught to do from a very young age. For the most part I would say that I have learnt to do a pretty damn good job of it – but as the years have gotten on, I really have felt less and less of a need for it. How can I put this… I don’t have many (if any) FNCKS LEFT for what ANYBODY thinks or says about me and/or the decisions I choose to make with/for my life. I will have my say when I feel the need, and it will be candidly honest… but I would also like to believe that I have reached a point in my life when I know something is simply not worth the energy!

_{THANKS GIPHY}

People seem to be dividing time into many “facets” these days lol… “coffee time & wine time”, “morning pyjamas and evening pyjamas”… I think in the grand scheme of things, it is pretty much “good days and bad days” and yesterday, was not a good day. From the afternoon up until about 1.30am this morning I was chewing on a pending decision which really made my already troubled heart even heavier! – That being, throw in the towel on my PHC community or not.

This is something that I have ploughed almost three years of my life into on a daily basis and although prompted by multiple factors… it was ultimately a decision which I posed for myself. One button clicked and all of it would disappear!! I cannot lie and say that there was not a part of me that hasn’t considered the easy road more than once of late with everything else going on in my “new world”… and I was very close to reaching that point in order to just savour a little silence and added sanity. It was one sentence made by one single person amongst the noise that reminded me to just STOP before I ran away with myself and regretted it later. The words echoed that of my father and although I know them to be true… I don’t always listen because I am an emotionally geared individual – but this time I did.

“Emotionally charged decisions are never the right ones”. Those were the words of my father. What stopped me in my tracks yesterday was of the same nature but was delivered by @wwwiebe. Thank you for that. Incredible how profoundly we impact the decision making of those around us without even realising. I chewed on BOTH versions of the same message for quite some time and then made a decision - One that was not emotionally CHARGED but rather emotionally DRIVEN.

Early this morning (because I simply couldn’t lie in bed any longer) I sat outside in the freezing bloody cold, double clutching cigarettes (which I have not done in half a decade!!), sipping insanely hot tea just to numb the chill and the nerves of what awaited me after… and sent a message to everyone in our PHC server.

Some of you may know and some not – but our PHC community has travelled a long road here on the (initially) Steem blockchain and now Hive. Every time I mention this, I have to refer to @thekittygirl’s post footers lol… because it has been that long, that I can never remember… We started in October of 2017 as @steemitbloggers – and although we still retain and support from that original account, we have grown and undergone many changes over the years… one of which was our name change to PHC.

We were always a closed community with a very strict set of principles and community rules and over time, deservingly earned a reputation for being host to some of the finest content creators and project ambassadors on our blockchain. Our community in numbers was small, but our hearts were big and we were all incredibly close! We worked exceptionally hard at anything and everything we set our minds to and have proven time and time again that it is not the size of the dog in the fight, but rather the size of the fight in the dog that counts.

I have forever been an advocate for seeking out the positive in even the worst of situations and anybody who has followed my blog in this space for any length of time will testify to that – so when I had a conversation with a few people yesterday that outlined the fact that somewhere along the line we have lost that sense of community and close-knit appeal – it really upset me, to a point where I genuinely considered just shutting the server down… BUT, I am also not a person to give up very easily (if ever) and I am a problem solver… so, instead of taking what would be the easy way out – I have decided to do something else instead.

So much has changed over the last few months, not only on our blockchain but in our “real world” lives too… due to this world wide pandemic, and no matter your individual perspectives on it, it does not eradicate those changes… changes that none of us anticipated, were not prepared for and for the most part, I think it has left the majority of us feeling like tethered ends of a string. Human beings were thrown a curve ball that came hurtling towards us at unmanageable speed and with monumental momentum.

The reality is… we are living in completely unchartered territory of greatly varying degrees… One which no longer affords us the time and availability that we once had because most of us have had to take on roles in our lives which we never anticipated, many are carrying the weight of huge financial stresses and most importantly there is the emotional and psychological thinning of stability due to all of the above. We are ALL being pushed and tested to our limits right now.

As a community, if we are to retain and regain that sense of “bond” between one another, then we are going to have to move with the wave, adapt and change. We simply cannot be rigid and continue to implement “obligation” and “responsibility” from our members right now, because for many... the simple task of cooking a meal for their family has become an emotionally draining task – so being actively engaged in community activities/responsibilities on discord… something which was once considered “fun” is now, for many… a mammoth task.

For this *reason I, with the nod from my partner in crime @zord189 have decided to hit a “reset” button on this server. We are going to start over! Go back to our “grass roots” so to speak…. Change always comes with relative resistance, but I feel that it is desperately needed… especially in times like this. I will not close the doors on our server again because if “we” as a human collective EVER needed to be broadly supportive of one another – now is that time! And I am not referring to blockchain or post support… I am referring to the kind of support that you would find within a family. It is important that we prioritise accordingly and right now, that stretches beyond the blockchain, to the individuals behind the screen.

So, all initiatives and contests have been eradicated, member levels and privileges too. We are all here, on level ground – together. No pressure for any kind of performance or fulfillment of duty… …Not a promotional dumping ground, nor a place with the burden of obligation. No belittling, bickering and ugliness among members as is seen in so many other discord servers… … just a community space, with a general room to come and connect, chat, find reprieve and uplift one another in whatever ways we can.

Let’s get to know one another again… as people, because that is what we are! We are not our blog feeds, nor the values in our wallets. We are not our jobs or the positions we hold… and we are not our burdens and stresses! We are individuals – each with heart, soul and purpose on this planet and if we can begin (again) by simply enjoying one another’s company – then – when the time is right, we can once again spread our wings as a community with the many fun, engaging and interactive initiatives that we have always had – except then, it will be with a more receptive, respectful and mindful perspective and appreciation for the people (new and old) with which we share this space.

I did not spend almost three years building this community (alongside many amazing and supportive members) to simply throw it away because things are a little different now. That is not who I am. Never was, never will be.

“Things change. The only thing constant is change. It’s up to you to be adaptable.” Anonymous

There are MANY amazing individuals within this community, so for now… let’s just focus on that! The rest will come again in good time… - Jaynie*

I needn’t have gotten myself so worked up (I really didn’t need it lol) because I was so very pleasantly surprised by how positively everyone responded to our entire space essentially being GUTTED of ANYTHING other than BASIC HUMAN INTERACTION! The amount of relief and gratitude that I have received not only in our now “one and only” chat room, but via DM too has nothing short of fucking amazing!!!!

Essentially, anybody who steps into our space now has NOTHING to gain other than the upliftment of social engagement or listening to some tunes... and I bloody LOVE IT!

We are all WAY too consumed with shit that is literally ROBBING us of all the genuinely good stuff!!!!! – which I think we are all in dire need of at this point!

I have had ZERO time to be here of late if I am honest. I literally “squeeze” some time in to put a post together, do a sketch or I eventually get SO desperate to return to my prior routine that I will stay up (as I am now) in order to obtain that satisfaction/escape... but I have had NO involvement in ANY updates, politics or anything else for that matter and to be frank… after catching brief wind of the latest “whiff” yesterday – I realised that I just don’t have the energetic levels to even care...

Taking this into consideration, I am even more convinced that having a space for people to go to where there are no "politics", “competition” or “punt” tactics was the right thing to do for now!

The world is a crazy place right now and I think I speak for many when I say that we all need a little reprieve! We all just need a break! - Time to just BE and have some random chitter chatter. Those encounters that are driven by nothing more than the desire to have human engagement are incredibly healing and uplifting... it also affords us the opportunity to put time otherwise spent elsewhere on actually getting to know one another better, support each other and lift one another's spirits on a day to day basis.

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
― C. JoyBell C.