I think that one of the most difficult things to understand when we meet someone after a certain age is that that person does not arrive empty, that is, without a past. He arrives with children, stories, bonds, responsibilities, affections and people who once occupied important places.
And not every bond with an ex means nostalgia, desire or a half-open door. Sometimes it means family. Sometimes friendship. Sometimes it's a shared responsibility. Sometimes just a story that ended well.
Emotional maturity is also being able to look at a situation without immediately inventing everything that could go wrong.
Many times we suffer more for the movie we build in our head than for what is really happening.
Of course, we have to look at the facts. Of course clarity matters. But we also have to understand something: and s that loving someone does not give us the right to demand that they eliminate parts of their life so that we can feel safe. Security depends on there being no one else around, it's a pretty fragile security.
The real challenge of adult love is to understand what place each person occupies, to recognize what ours is and to decide if we can inhabit it in peace.
It seems like a lie, but no one understands it, the important thing is mutual respect, the tranquility that children receive and the complicity of helping each other. Of course, I talk about healthy coexistence and practicality, but many people are not ready for these ways, or at all...
When a story is really closed, it doesn't matter so much who sleeps under what roof, it matters where the heart is.
In this post that I am writing for you this day, I am not teaching anything, nor am I saying that this is the absolute truth. I'm just sharing my experience and it doesn't necessarily work for everyone.
I know so many cases where even everyone makes their new family, and everyone gets together, celebrates and shares, but these cases are not many, because once there is a separation with the couple most end up hating each other or being unfaithful with their exes.
It is also true that every day I am surprised by how the human mind works or does not work. We create our own world tailored to our desires and the people in our environment have to fit into this world where only we know the rules and have the power to change them when we feel like it or we feel like it.
One of my best friends lives with his first ex-partner and they get along the best, they are together but not together, they share the two children and the expenses of the house, they are mature and responsible to understand that only a sentimental relationship was broken but there remains between them, a parental bond that is unbreakable. I think that a relationship marriage does not end tacitly, and that we have to leave behind, so much drama.
Janitze 馃尮
Separator made with Canva by 
Any images in this post are taken with my iPhone 12, the Infinix pro-note 30 or with the camera eighties Rolleiflex 2.8 f, and edited by me with Canva
Translation with |DeepL