This draft legislation is hereby submitted for public comment in order to forge a stronger set of measures that ensure the public welfare.
WHEREAS the events of the past several months have resulted in destruction of urban property and vast tracts of wilderness, it is necessary for public safety to enact legal measures that allow us to restrict access to incendiary devices.
These antique wooden single-use devices shall be grandfathered as acceptable for public use, but no one under 21 years of age shall have access to, or possess on their person, these dangerous devices under penalty of fines not less than $1,000,000 and imprisonment for not less than 5 years.
These disposable lighters shall only be carried by those granted a license through the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Fire. All BIC-type lighters must be registered with the local sheriff and bear a serial number registered with the manufacturer and federal government.
Fully semi-automatic lighters shall not be sold to the public, and must be reserved for military and police use only. Those already in circulation must be surrendered to your local sheriff pending application for a background check and payment of a $500 assault lighter tax stamp.
These weapons of mass incineration shall be banned entirely to the public for the greater good.
Previous provisions notwithstanding, possession of distilled alcohol and any form of ignition source shall be deemed possession of a molotov cocktail with intent to commit arson.
Possession of pyrotechnics of any kind shall be prosecuted under anti-terror legislation.
Any objection to these common-sense measures can only be interpreted as support for anarchy.
