Do you ever feel like you're pretty much just fighting against your own nature and nurture constantly? I doubt I can become the type of person I want to be with the nurture I have.
I may not be a well adjusted person, but this could be corrected by having some discipline. However, no discipline was instilled in me when I was growing. This could be fixed by some amount of responsibility, which I also never learned. That could be fixed with focus endurance and determination, which I also don't have. Some amount of that could be obtained through memory skills or good decision making, which I also don't have.
I've made a lot of progress. I got on the dean's list (could only get into community college), I've learned a lot of skills. I'm occasionally more organized. However, I'm still tethered to my support network. I have tried to disconnect myself before and I know what it takes. I don't have it. Every time I make some progress, something else suffers. Some days, even some months, I'm just my old ineffectual lazy self. I feel like the pool of virtues I'm drawing from is just too shallow and I'll never be independent and happy.
Thank you for reading
Love you all.
