Just thoughts
pain of mental health and addiction in both myself and others
pets positive when I meet but I can't get any yey
motivation to feel free and happy and to escape. The idea to work hard to leave the rat race concrete/steel/glass jungle behind. Some days I wish I could go back to the days where we couldn't get fast internet at home in the 90s and up to 2006 really. And using the internet was a novelty not a necessity
music moves me and stops me overthinking stuff.
-Feeling of being liked even though I know I shouldn't need it. It should be ok to just like myself if I could all the time.
Take anti depressants to feel normal but stop taking them so you can feel something instead of the numbed emotions.
In the next year I want to make true friends not just people who live far away and the close work colleagues.
I probably need to kayak again. I had good friends before leaving my home country
Life now:
Weekend heatwave, dead bedroom, family and friends too far away to meet more than once every two to three years. Job pays the same as I was on 3 years ago. 10k less than a job I turned down. Gf hasn't been able to work over a year and my expenses are at least twice what they should be. I have been very late paying debt. Covid misery too. Bad inflation meaning real income is declining around 10% this year
Kind of rock bottom. If I lost the job and girlfriend it would be worse. Or as Gary vee says a family member. Joyful that family is safe and well.