They sat in the hall berating themselves with recriminations, head bowed, sometimes swearing at themselves. They did this, unfortunately, way too many times, given their poor self-esteem. The therapist, hearing of them, sits next to them to listen, and try to help. -- Anon Guest
Everyone had done what they could. That was clear to those mopping up the mess. Nevertheless, there were those determined to blame themselves.
Human Yeong had been ordered to sit still. This was evidently a difficult task for hir. Ze wanted to help, and ze could not, because ze was also walking wounded and therefore part of the triage. In desperation, one of the overworked nurses had given Yeong a fine motor control test to work on.
This seemed to stress hir out even worse. It was a simple enough test. Manipulate a ball bearing along a series of ramps, but Yeong was treating it like life and death.
Therapist Dov recognised a patient in need of an entirely different treatment from a standing start. Hir injury was mild compared to the others, but there were other, invisible scars.
Dov took up a position where Yeong could reach her fur. Humans in stress liked to touch soft things. "May I interrupt?"
"I have to finish this. I have to get it right," Yeong murmured.
"What happens if you do not?"
Automatic, not thinking. "Someone dies."
"How are those events linked?"
"I failed them. I can't fail again," Yeong's shaking hands trembled the ball-bearing off its ramp. Ze cycled it back to the beginning.
"This is a toy for children, is it not?" Dov peered curiously over Yeong's shoulder. "How does it work to save lives?"
Yeong had an epiphany of sorts. "The nurse gave it to me to keep me busy, and if I'm not busy, then I'm freaking out. If I'm freaking out, then I take vital medical staff away from the people who need them. I gotta stay busy so they can get on with their jobs."
"May I help keep you busy?"
Another light dawned. "Oh. Yeah. Sure they don't need you for the others?"
"The others in need are sedated for surgery. My skill is talking to people. So. What happened?"
"It was my fault. If I'd kicked up enough of a stink about the Hungry Caterpillars. If I'd seen it sooner. If I'd just been quicker..."
The chain of illogic only seemed sound on the outside. Once the rust was picked off, it might not be so secure. Dov looked up the ships' log. "Ah yes. I see the Hungry Caterpillars were reported as needing maintenance for twenty stops before you were hired as Performative Security. The log indicates that you - and I quote - made a pest of hirself about the blasted things. You were one report away from being shot off to the nearest station in a life pod." She showed Yeong the documents.
"I could have fixed them. I should have fixed them."
"You know how to do that?"
Reluctant. Whispered. "No." Ze rallied once more, "But I should have done something."
"You called it to the attention of people who did have the skills. So much so that they almost put you off the ship. You couldn't have helped anyone once off the ship, could you?"
Another ghost of a 'no'.
As for "seeing it," Dov had more evidence from the log. "The fatal impactor was a black iron asteroid roughly the size of a life pod. I see its vector was within a patch of nebula that also obscured the stars."
"I should have seen it. The lights..."
"The lights were absorbed by the dark coating of the object. You alerted to the sensor detection in record time. Do you remember what they said about that?" Dov had it ready to play, just in case.
"Shut up, you paranoid Human. We have systems."
"That's right. The crew ignored your warnings. Then you ran a lifepod drill, which was in your power. Thus, thousands were prepared for what happened next."
An impact that could have killed thousands more than the extant death toll. Those who died were largely the ones who ignored all of Yeong's measures to prevent catastrophe. Including the crew that ignored hir warnings.
"I could have done more."
"What more could you have done?"
Yeong had no answer. Ze resumed tilting the container so that the ball bearing could go through its maze. "Something. Something..."
[Image c/- Toy Street UK ]
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