A: Ok look I only have a sawed shotty and a 9mm and I don’t want to fight anything that is bigger than a baby moose. Also if you see a bear follow this rhyme “brown lay down, black fight back, white good night”
B: but can’t you fight back with your weapons?
A: Yes and no. First off the bears in these regions are bulletproof, hell most bears are. More than anything firing this will piss them off
B: well can you tell me is that bear bulletproof?
A: Welp based off the rhyme, good night -- Anon Guest
Well. This was a situation. It was not a good situation. It was not even a bad situation. It was a terrible situation. Armin ran through everything he knew about bears. "Don't make eye contact," he said. "Keep a calm, level tone when you speak. We're going to back slowly away..."
"I am starting to regret the decision to document some wildlife on a Deathworld," said Grox in calm, level tones. "Does this creature eat baby moose?"
"No, your polar bear usually likes fish or seals. Problem is, seals are human-sized and some of these critters have learned that humans are tasty prey. The good news for you is your livesuit will protect you." For every good news a Human delivered, there had to be an associated bad news. They just worked that way.
"And the bad news?"
Armin looked like he really didn't want to deliver it anyway. "The bad news is I don't have a livesuit. Not even a safety bag. I thought I was safe in this territory and didn't want to look like an idiot wearing the harness."
They continued backing carefully away, though Grox was thinking about things Armin had taught him. "Human Armin... are you not always stating that it is better to look a fool than be one?"
Armin sighed. "Yeah, I do say that. I give myself some very good advice, but I very rarely listen... as Alice said." The white bear was almost out of sight for Grox, but judging by Armin's careful movements, not for the taller Human. "The best news is that this one doesn't seem interested in us."
"Is there an additional worst news?"
"Only that we should keep up the careful, quiet stroll for another mile before we haul ass out of here," singsonged Armin. "Lord be my witness, if we get outta this alive, I am never going to fret about looking like an idiot ever again."
Humans were strange. Some needed a painful experience just to listen to good advice. A rare and special few needed such a thing to listen to their own good advice.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / chbaum]
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