I'll start by saying right off the bat I've always thought mantras were bullshit. They fell, together with chakras, energy, vibrations, and everything in that sphere into stuff that I considered too New Age for my taste, and so relegated to just outside my comfort zone.
But if the past year has done anything for me, it has been drastically changing my preset opinions on things. I've been taking a second look at mantras, in the hope they might help me meditate more. I'm a terrible meditator. I don't like sitting still. I like thinking. A lot. Too much, perhaps. I think all goddamn day, often very fast, often on several planes at once. So I figured I don't need to meditate since I think a lot.
Ntz.
Turns out I was wrong. That's precisely why I needed to. Meditate. To focus on not focusing. On the present here and now. On the oxygen that flows through my body. So in an attempt to create for myself the space to meditate, I've also been trying to work more with mantras. I still thought they were bullshit, but at least now, I sought them out, and tried to repeat them as much as I could. Until...
Until I stumbled on one I couldn't say. I was stunned. They were just make-believe words in a make-believe New Age practice, right? Surprise quickly gave way to another, darker emotion. I wanted to cry. I suddenly felt so vulnerable. Well, that's not true. I'd been feeling vulnerable all day, but it was only in that moment, unable to speak the words that I felt how vulnerable I was.
I am safe.
I couldn't say that, because I didn't feel it. Even though there was no obvious, imminent threat to my well-being. No enemy hoard. No blows to the head. Unsafe. Scared. Vulnerable. Funny how those make-believe BS words managed to sneak into the heart of me so effectively, eh?
I surrendered, allowed the mantra to go. Moved on to the next one. Embraced it. Knew I felt myself inside it. After a while, I returned to the blockade. Same words, different day. Different person? Not quite. But in a different place. This time, the words came out. Still a little unsure, but standing on their own out there.
I am safe.
For me, it's still the hardest mantra to speak and be true to. It's made me understand that I often create a space of unsafety for myself. I do. Sometimes, other people do, too, but only because I allow them to. It's an important alarm call. Because if you can't feel safe and at home inside your own head, and your own body, then you're on the fast track to disaster.
Now, I work with mantras and meditate a lot more. Obviously, I've changed my opinion quite a lot. I understand mantras in a different way. Shakespeare once said there's nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. I think he was on to something. I think maybe we get some say in how our realities play out. I figure, if negative thought has the power to cloud your existence, and darken your day, then so, too, should positive thoughts. Affirmations of who you are, and where. And why.
Most importantly, they serve as an opportunity for introspection. What is true of you, and what is not? Of what is not, how could you work to make them more true? To judge less and listen more. To be present, and feel in your bones the person reading these words now. Not the person who's gotta pick up the kids from school in an hour. Not the uni kid gearing up for exams. You're not that Person Yet. You're the Person Now.
