I've talked before about the decision to stay put (rather than go off abroad as I did last year), and for me, an important part of that decision was the realization that, when travelling, I had this tendency to live closer to who I wanted to truly be than I did at home.
I didn't exactly know why, but when I lived abroad last year, I was a lot more open-minded, free-flowing. I tried new things, I didn't stick to a routine, or rather, I did, I was writing a book, but the time when I wasn't doing that was a lot more open to new experiences. Like, maybe this afternoon, I take the train to a nearby village. You know, explore a new place for a bit. And sure, sometimes the explorations turned out to be a failed experiment. Sometimes, it was a meh little town with nothing exciting in it. Still made for a fun two-hours exploring, then taking the train back, typically getting off a stop before mine so I could walk along the beach the rest of the way. Man, I miss Spain, but I'm sure I'll get back to that sometime.
For now, I thought,
if I stay in Bucharest, I'm not gonna live like it. I'm gonna take the same open-ended approach to life I would if I was travelling.
I'm so glad it turned out to be more than just a pretty idea. You know, sometimes you think "oh that's the solution", and then you try it and it's really not, and you're disappointed. I don't know if this was the solution, but it was a solution.
I'm finding so much simple freedom in mastering my own time. Like yesterday, I stayed in bed reading and writing until lunch. It was a great, restorative morning, especially as it was free of the typical guilt of our hyper-productive society. I then wrote for the afternoon, felt more productive and creative than I had in days, and in the evening, I went to an album launch.
Now, that's just the sort of thing I'd do abroad.
You see this artist you don't know, listen to a couple of songs, and think yeah, maybe I'd like to go to this. Routine. You fall into routine. In your town, you always go to your artists. The ones you've known and loved for years. And that's cool, but sometimes, it can be pretty cool to try something new, also.
So I went to check out this Romanian artist I'd literally never heard of until maybe a week before? Hadn't listened to her since discovery, either. I wanted it to be a new experience, and it was. Particularly interesting because the concert was held in a room that's traditionally a theatre. It was lovely. It's an extremely intimate, beautiful space.
And the wonderful lady and her partner had made origami birds for everyone, and left them as a gift on each seat. Obviously, we took ours home with us. Mine's sitting on my bookcase even now, watching me write this.
I went, quite simply, for an hour of peace, and it was exactly what I got. It was very sweet and touching because the lady herself was quite emotional, and very nice. Not to mention, an extremely talented artist. It's quite difficult for Romanian artists to sound good in English, I find, because many can't shed the accent, but to me, this lady sounded pretty flawless.
The whole experience resonated with me greatly, and it felt for a couple of hours like being among people who understand you, and who crave that same peace and inner growth as you do. It was all rather wonderful.
Got me thinking how easy it can all be. Peace. Happiness. We get caught in these traps, chasing all sorts of thrilling, out-there experiences to bring us a little comfort in this short life. But you don't need to go to no exotic places, or try crazy new things (well, unless you're into that, which I am, but you can't always do, alas). Sure, those bring happiness to most people. It's called serotonin.
I'm finding it's much harder learning how to generate happy from the small, seemingly unimpressive things. You know, the ones that you can sustain across day-to-day life. And I am so in awe and so grateful for the results.
Turns out, things can be pretty damn beautiful once you drop your idea about how they should be.