A lot of people have this belief that if you are homeless it's because you are a drug addict or alcoholic, sometimes both. This is not at all the case. Most people are homeless for one simple reason. They can't afford a place to live.
Sure many are on drugs and alcohol but that is often because it's harder to kick when life is so despair.
I am not among those many people. I don't use any sort of drug and I don't drink though at times I have thought about it just to pass the time on dreadfully hot or cold nights. I am just a product of life's circumstance.
Getting in a shelter is hard. So hard in fact it's not worth my time. Most shelters I have applied to want women with children not single males with a job. In fact having a job and no social assistance to prove homelessness makes it nearly impossible for a single guy to get a place for a night.
Instead, I have a tent and I carry it with me everywhere I go. I have to because if I don't people will steal it. I have had this happen twice in the past.
I have been chased, beaten, had my tent stolen, had my clothes stolen and even had my shoes stolen while I slept one time.
No one chooses to live this way. It's just a painful reality that we have to deal with.
I try my best to get to the most rural area I can before I sleep but that isn't always possible.
Once a month I try to sneak into rest stops on the highway for a quick shower but it's not easy and has landed me in jail more than a couple times. Most days the only cleanup I get is in the restrooms of gas stations.
I try not to be a beggar because it makes me feel bad to accept things from random strangers. It's like admitting to yourself you are a failure and you can't do it by yourself. I suppose it feels that way because it's true but I don't want a handout. I want a help up. I want to find a way to get on my feet and become more stable so the jobs I do land pay better.
It's hard to find steady work when you can't provide an address. Even if you make up an address it doesn't take long for people to notice you are not clean and shaven and well groomed. They just don't want you working for them.
This is a daily life for me and has been for a couple years now. While some dream of success I dream of just getting by. The day I can afford to pay bills and be part of society. I long for the day my kids can visit me without having to be ashamed.
This is what it's like to be homeless and each day that passes the struggles and weight of it all seems to get worse and worse.
I pray for a change. Every day I pray. It is the only prayer I have.
