Since I’ve got time on my hands, I figured let me not be lazy & let’s write another blog post to make up for my lack of writing lately. There’s no excuse👀.
In my previous post where I introduce myself whilst explaining a bit of my story, I left out a lot more aspects about myself that I didn’t include because it was quite long already👀. If you want to read up on that, here’s the link: https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@heavenlydoms/my-story-or-introducing-myself .
Looking back, I realize I’ve come a long way from where I was. And I want to share a bit of my journey with you, the obstacles and the ups and downs that came with it.
I’m almost 20 now but let’s take it back a few years... Let’s take it back to when I was 15-18 years old.
When I hit puberty I became very self conscious to the point where I suffered from social anxiety. It’s basically feeling very anxious while in public. In my case while I was with my friend group or when I had to attend school events or got invited to parties/get togethers. See, I’m a social person, always have been so I really wanted to go to “social events” but my stomach would tie into a knot while I was getting ready to go. I got super anxious, to the extent where I would consider cancelling something I REALLY REALLY wanted to go to.
Having social anxiety and fomo (fear of missing out) at the same time was a battle yo😂.
Luckily I always forced myself to go in the end because I knew that regret would hit me bad if I decided not to go. But getting myself to go was a struggle because I got so anxious/nervous, I couldn’t eat or think about anything else. However I knew that when I got to the place, I’d be happy I went. So I mostly ended up going.
When I would get to the place that I got invited to by either school or friends at a party, my hands would shake when I talk to someone. It was crazy. And I couldn’t stop it. It was embarrassing so I tried to hide my hands. And my heart would beat out of my chest but as my time there progressed, that all died down and I started enjoying myself. But this would happen every single time! I’d feel super anxious, start shaking, heart beating fast and then as time passes it would calm down.
I also had a huge need for acceptance by others throughout my high school, so I think that also played a huge part in my anxiety. I was very much boxed in, and would be quite reserved. People would ask me: “Are you always this quiet?” I hated that question because I was actually quite an insane crazy ass person😂. Still am. But I didn’t show that in a lot of environments I found myself in and infront of a lot of people. I would shut off completely and people never saw the real me. Who I really am behind closed doors or where I feel 110% comfortable. I think I became like this because I’m very playful, sarcastic and play around a lot so people would dish it back to me a lot which I couldn’t take back than and tease me all the time but didn’t understand that there is a line. So it got to the point where I thought people didn’t take me seriously because of my personality and so I toned it down, A LOT. I felt as if, if I don’t say as much anymore, I won’t receive certain comments anymore. I’m a softie when it comes to words guys😂. Words build me up quickly but also have the power to break me down quite a lot. I’m way better now but back then it was really bad!
What made it bad is that I would also overthink things quite a lot. And so when I was left alone with my thoughts, I would dissect certain comments and overthink them to the point where I created false perceptions in my head. I fed into a lot of lies that went on in my mind.
I became quite insecure and wasn’t myself anymore around many people. And so people started thinking that that’s just the way I am. Awkward, shy, doesn’t say much and very reserved. I knew people thought that about me, and it bothered me a lot. But I didn’t have the confidence to just switch back to who I actually was again.
So I searched for self acceptance in all the wrong places. I tried finding it in friends, popularity, certain events, ex boyfriend, what people said about me... Instead of taking it to God.
It didn’t work though... The harder I tried the less it worked, it seemed like.
My passions and talents are very platform based. It requires a lot of confidence. And that’s something I lacked because I wasn’t sure of myself. So the issues that I dealt with within myself and the person that people thought I was took a huge toll on what I wanted to achieve and on what I love doing. A lot of people thought I wasn’t capable. People are quick to place a label on you without even really knowing you. And that was tough because that made me feel even more insecure and I started believing that label bit by bit and started operating under that label. That’s the dangerous thing about labels, people start thinking that that’s who they are. The way a person thinks is the way a person is. I thought I wasn’t good enough and so I acted like I wasn’t.
I had big dreams but didn’t have the confidence to chase after opportunities for a very long time.
2017 however, changed my life. In order to become the person I was supposed to be I had to let go of the person I currently was. Which was hard because I had to let go of a lot of things to get to where I wanted to be. And to walk the path God has set infront of me.
I had to let go of certain people in my life and that was a tough call especially having to break up with someone you really cared about. But I had to in order to start truly living. I had to in order to walk a certain path and those people were on a whole different path. So I had to choose.
I chose Christ.
Was it easy? No.
Was it worth it? Yes.
God rewards sacrifice and since then has done a great work in me and opened a lot of doors. I’m really confident now, it even surprises me sometimes, I’m completely out of my box, back to my crazy self again, I’ve become more self aware.
I’m getting to know who Heavenly is. And who she is supposed to be. 🙎🏻♀️
So here’s the good news...
*I sing on stage infront of 1800 people every Sunday.
*I create content of my life on YouTube where I’m exposing a lot of myself.
*I’ve done public speaking infront of many strangers.
*I’ve preached a sermon, twice!
*I’ve openly shared my testimony infront of 1800 people in church on stage, made myself very vulnerable.
*I’m offering my own beauty services soon.
*I’ve prayed for strangers.
*I’ve won a beauty pageant in which I had to confidently present myself and answer questions infront of people plus go to business to raise funds.
*I’ve been asked to do dramas on stage
And I’ve met some new awesome, like minded people on the way👭👫
MAMA I MADE IT!!!
I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do but never had the confidence to and that’s grabbing every opportunity that comes my way that leads to my passions. I love being on stage and I can finally say that that’s where I’m comfortable being.
You know how much it took out of me to finally arrive at the place I am today? A DAMN LOT! Getting pushed out of my comfort zone constantly, when you’re out of your comfort zone, God reminds you that you are capable of a lot more than what you initially thought. And that’s a great feeling!
So eventually through a lot of tears, hard work, sacrifice, doing things way out of my comfort zone to build confidence and working on my insecurities step by step, I became who I truly was again. And everyone could see it. I got a lot of praise for it and that felt good because for so long I felt so negative about myself but now I feel truly myself again!
Moral of the story:
It’s crazy what God can do when you allow Him to lead the way.
