In The Support & Kindness Podcast, hosts Greg and Rich welcome returning guest Jay for Episode 8:
This is a warm, grounded conversation about that harsh inner voice that judges, shames, and demands perfection, and what we can do to change our relationship with it.
(Episode page: https://podopshost.com/68bb1f4767d04/49872)
The episode is both personal and practical: Greg shares a “courtroom” mental exercise (putting thoughts “on trial”), Rich talks about journaling as a “wise adult,” and Jay shares a vulnerable story about self-esteem after an accident.
The message they return to again and again is simple and strong:
This episode shares personal reflections and is not a substitute for professional advice.
In this episode, you’ll explore:
How the inner critic can form through criticism, bullying, and life experiences
Why black-and-white self-judgments can feel so brutal, and how to reframe them
Tools: “put your thoughts on trial,” journaling as a wise adult, and (optionally) inner child reflection
Self-compassion as a daily practice, not a one-time breakthrough
(learn more: https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion)
Greg describes the inner critic as the negative voice inside that judges and criticizes, often rooted in past experiences of being criticized.
*What makes the inner critic especially painful is how it talks. It doesn’t just describe what happened. *
It tries to define who you are.
Rich adds something important: many of us are harsher to ourselves than we would ever be to anyone else. And he suggests a shift that feels more realistic than trying to force the voice to disappear.
“We’re very critical of ourselves… changing the relationship with our inner critic… rather than trying to silence it completely.” - Rich
Greg agrees that forcing silence can be unhealthy. Instead, the direction they take is:
listen differently, respond differently, and practice a kinder relationship with yourself.
Greg also shares where his inner critic came from, early experiences with siblings, bullying at school, and messages from teachers and others that he “wouldn’t amount to anything.” Over time, those messages can pile up and start to feel like “evidence,” even when they aren’t true.
“It started pretty early on… bullying in school… teachers saying you’re never going to amount to anything.” - Greg
Callout: The inner critic often sounds like the past. It can be loud simply because it’s familiar.
If you’ve carried shame for a long time, this episode doesn’t treat you like you’re “doing life wrong.” It treats you like someone who learned to survive and then got stuck with a voice that still thinks survival means attack.
Jay’s story makes the perfectionism piece real. He talks about how confident he felt as a young salesman, then how a car accident affected his left eye and deeply dented his self-esteem.
“Then I got into a car accident… I messed up my left eye… it made a major dent in my self-esteem.” - Jay
He describes wearing sunglasses for years and struggling with the feeling of not being “perfect.”
That’s the inner critic’s trick: it takes a real loss or change and turns it into a story about your worth.
Rich names a pattern that shows up in many people’s inner critic:
black-and-white judgments.
“Our inner critic often has black and white judgments… we don’t do that to other people, but we seem to do it to ourselves.” - Rich
In CBT, black-and-white thinking is often called all-or-nothing thinking, one of the common “unhelpful thinking styles.” (Helpful guide: https://www.psychologytools.com/articles/unhelpful-thinking-styles-cognitive-distortions-in-cbt)
It can sound like:
Rich offers a reframe that doesn’t deny reality. It removes the cruelty and adds a path forward:
“You can reframe those into more neutral… ‘That was unpleasant’… try and learn… ‘How can we move forward?’” - Rich
When your inner critic says: “I’m a failure.”
Try: “That didn’t go how I wanted. What’s one thing I can do next?”
When your inner critic says: **“I’ll never be okay.”
**Try: “I’m having a hard moment. I’ve made it through hard moments before.”
When your inner critic says: “People will judge me.”
Try: “Some people might. Some people won’t. I can still choose kindness and self-respect.”
Micro-practice: Replace labels (“I’m horrible”) with descriptions (“I’m tired and overwhelmed”). Labels trap you. Descriptions help you care for yourself.
This is one of the episode’s quiet superpowers: it keeps pulling you back to what’s workable.
Greg shares a tool that helped him stop automatically believing his inner critic: put your thoughts on trial.
“One of the things they talked about was the concept of putting your thoughts on trial.” - Greg
He imagines a courtroom with a jury, judge, witness box, and asks the thought to prove itself. The key isn’t drama. The key is structure. When a thought is loud, structure helps you slow down.
Jay immediately connects with it:
“Putting these silly thoughts that you have about yourself on trial makes a lot of sense to me.” - Jay
This lines up with CBT-style tools that ask you to look at evidence for and evidence against a thought.
(Thought record worksheet: https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/thought-record-evidence-for-and-against)
If you prefer structured exercises beyond the thought record above, you can also explore CBT worksheets here: https://www.mindovermood.com/worksheets
Rich shares another practical tool that matches the episode’s theme: journaling as a dialogue.
“Write down what your inner critic says and respond like a wise adult.” - Rich
This matters because the inner critic is fast. Journaling slows it down. And when you slow it down, you can respond with logic and compassion instead of panic.
Greg adds an optional idea: sometimes write what your inner child needed to hear. He notes not everyone connects with that framework, but it can be meaningful for some.
Not everyone can sit and write paragraphs. Here are gentler options:
Tiny win rule: A 2-minute practice done often can beat a 30-minute practice you never start.
The episode’s approach is not “do everything perfectly.” It’s: do something kind and doable.
Rich opens the episode with a core message:
Practice self-compassion, and treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness you treat others with. - Rich
If you want a clear, simple definition of self-compassion, this page lays it out well: https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion
And self-compassion isn’t just a feel-good idea. A research review (meta-analysis) of self-compassion-focused interventions found meaningful benefits for depressive symptoms and stress (and smaller effects for anxiety).
(Full text: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10239723)
Here’s what self-compassion can sound like in everyday life:
Jay adds a “common humanity” reminder in his own words:
“It’s easy for us to forget that everybody has problems… people are going through the same things as you.” - Jay
That idea matters on Hive, too. Many people are posting while dealing with invisible battles. A kinder comment, a patient response, or even a simple “I hear you” can be a real lifeline.
Leave one comment that is specific, gentle, and supportive, especially on someone’s post that didn’t get much attention.
The episode closes with direct warmth and encouragement. Greg tells listeners they are loved and valuable. Rich echoes that love and respect are central across belief systems. Jay points to the golden rule.
“Treat others the way you want to be treated.” - Jay
Greg also shares a practical support reminder: in the U.S., you can contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) if you’re in crisis or struggling and need someone to talk to, and you don’t have to be suicidal to reach out. (Official site: https://988lifeline.org)
If you prefer text-based help, Crisis Text Line is another option: https://www.crisistextline.org
And the hosts invite listeners to share their favorite episode and request future topics at KindnessRX: https://kindnessrx.org
A gentle closing message that matches this episode’s spirit:
You are valuable. You’re allowed to be imperfect. You’re allowed to need support. And you deserve a kinder voice inside your own head.
Episode / community links
Support links
Tools that match the episode
Self-compassion learning
If this episode resonated, you’re invited to share in the comments - only what feels safe. What does your inner critic say most often? And what would a fair, kind “wise adult” response sound like for you this week?
And if you try one tool from this episode - courtroom method or journaling, come back and tell us what you noticed. Small steps count!
We host free online peer support groups every week. Each group offers a safe, confidential space to connect with people who understand similar struggles and to find practical, emotional, and peer support.
Mondays — 1:00 PM to 2:00 PM Eastern
Brain Injury Support Group — Understanding Life After Brain Injury
To sign up: https://luma.com/calendar/cal-oyT0VPlVTKCPxBw
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Wednesdays — 7:30 PM to 8:30 PM Eastern
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Listen to The Podcast Here
https://podopshost.com/68bb1f4767d04/49872
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Edited with the assistance of ChatGPT. Images created withNano Banana. I hold commercial licenses for each.