SF4 goers – take Heed!
For all the Steemians that are going to SF4, there is an urban tale to take heed ! :-)
The story starts with a man goes to one Bangkok, Or Cambodia, Or any other country for a bit of the nightlife.
During his evening and by now slightly under the influence of alcohol, he notices that a nice lady is sat at the other end of the bar trying to make obvious eye contact with him.
I know by now you’re thinking this is a story where she turns out to be a ladyboy, but whoow... slow down, there’s plenty of those too, but this lady definitely does not have a schlong-dinger.
This one is genuinely an attractive lady and the man ……. (Let’s call him Roger again) is thinking of buying her a drink.
Plucking up the courage he goes and talks to her and finds out that in fact, she is a company executive sent on international business to this forsaken place and finds it a bit boring just sitting in her hotel room by herself.
She has decided to just go out for a drink by herself. She seems genuinely pleased that he has made the approach and offers to buy him a drink.
further, still, she shouldn’t really drinking but has decided to throw caution to the wind and order her 3rd double vodka.
Roger trying to contain his excitement having landed in this ‘perfect situation’ accepts.
This is by far the sexiest person he has ever been able to hit on.
Maybe that’s just how it is out here he justifies the situation to himself. He would gladly have paid for all her drinks all night for the promise of what might be coming later.
Assuring himself that he must look like some local celebrity, he accepts the drink.
That is the last thing he can remember, his head this thumping now, his brain feels way too big for the confined shell it is housed in and it feels like it’s trying to push its way out of his ears, he would probably scream but his voice is not coming.
He is shivering uncontrollably and everything seems to be moving in slow-motion, He tries to take in his surroundings and realises that he is sat in a bath of water which is filled with blocks of ice.
Body completely numb he realises that he feels nothing except the banging in his head and an ache in his lower back. Flashes of a dream or maybe memories come back to him. Bright light, 2 men with aprons and surgical masks. The girl in the bar speaking to them.
With a flash of pain he comes back the present and notices a piece of A4 paper stuck to the wall with cello tape within reach. It has a handwritten note on it.
With trembling hands, he reaches for it and pulls it off the wall. His hand is shaking so much and his eyes are blurry but the note is deliberately written in large bold text and reads:
Besides you is a telephone, you should ring emergency services if you want to live. You will feel pain in your lower body because your kidneys have been removed. Ice water has slowed your metabolism so that you may survive however you need to call emergency services. You are in room 21
To his horror, he now realises the entirety of what has happened to him.
With trembling hands, he calls 911 or the equivalent and reads the hotel name and room from the letter header.
Fast forward to the present - and this is my first visit to that part of the world, and yes I do like to go out – so how do I intend to make myself exempt from becoming a victim to the sexy surgeon ring?
I have a cunning plan.
On my first day, I will go out and purchase a mediaeval suit of armour which I will attach padlocks to in all the required places.
This should be adequate in case the main plan doesn’t work - as follows.
Primarily I will be taking 
If he stays upright I will progress to carry on with the drink and flirtatious chatting with the so lucky girl, … if however,
My action plan, therefore, will be to throw chops man over my shoulder, goblin thump the wicked (but sexy) witch and hot heal it out of there, therefore saving any kidney butchery.
I’ll get him a hot chocolate back at the hotel or some smelling salts if he’s out cold.
If you maybe have any alternative suggestions which you think are better than mine it would be good to hear them.
Good luck from the Goblin.
