Titi stared at the stranger in the mirror; she knew she was looking at herself, but the reflection she saw wasn't anything like her. Her rough 4c dark hair looked more like the village local sponge used for scrubbing the bottom of a pot; her eyes were puffy from sleepless nights, dark circles formed rings around them, they used to be filled with so much light, but now, there wasn't even a hint of what was, just tiredness and maybe regrets.
This was not how she imagined this state of her life
Ahn! Mama Titi, she called out to her mother, who came as fast as she could from the nursery, holding her granddaughter like the most precious jewel she had ever seen in one hand, and an empty feeding bottle in the other, feeling very proud of her little one.
"See, she finished her milk," she said joyfully, as she rocked baby Simi to sleep,
"How come you said she refused feeding for days?"
"I don't know," Titi replied with a mix of anger and irritation. She just wouldn't suck and wouldn't stop crying either. I tried all I could, and I feel like the worst mom. Mom, I'm not crazy, am I?
She asked her mum, who was now putting sleeping baby Simi in her cot carefully.
She walked to her daughter, who was still staring at the stranger in the mirror as she spoke
"No, my child, you are not", she said, holding her daughter's hands as she led her to sit on one of the sofas.
"You are a mom, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed, even depressed. Your body went through a whole lot of changes to bring forth a miracle into life, and still faced with the burden of nurturing our little miracle with little or no rest."
Titi burst into tears, like a dam breaking, as her mom spoke those words. She felt so drowned in the responsibilities of motherhood, and the weight of it all was crushing her. Her mom held her in a tight embrace as the tears flowed, hoping it would help her feel lighter as she gently stroked her hair.
"But mom, how did you manage to have five of us? You were stronger. Why do I feel like this, Mum? I should be happy, I have a beautiful baby."
"Because, Titi, being a mom doesn't mean you are not allowed to feel tired, or overwhelmed, or sad, you are human after all, doing one of the toughest jobs in the world."
Cheer up now, sweetheart. I am here now, and we will get through this together."
Her mom's words were like a balm to her soul, and Titi felt her heart unburden. Maybe she wasn't crazy, maybe she was just... struggling. And that's okay.
Her husband, who had been watching them the whole time through the room door, now felt at ease to join them, he had also been scared of his wife Titi tantrums lately, and was always careful around her, even though he also helped in taking care of their child, he saw through his wife's burden and reached out to his mother inlaw for help.
He joined in the tight embrace, "We are in this together, babe, you are not alone." Now let's get you to a nice spa for some pampering and a massage. Don't worry, baby Simi is in good hands, and you will always be a good mom to her.
As they hugged, Titi's reflection in the mirror seemed to shift, like the stranger was slowly morphing into the person she used to be, even better, a mom.
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