Beyond 'Forgive and Forget': A Realistic Approach to Healing
There is also another saying when someone tries to resolve a conflict between two people: "forgive and forget." I mean, how logical does this sound? Do I forgive? Yes. But can I forget or magically erase what the other party did to me? Absolutely No! There are so many reasons we forgive sincerely from our hearts, in my case. I forgive so I can have peace, move on and also because as a Christian, forgiving is expected of us the biblical 70*7 times daily. Now think of it, can someone hurt you that number of times in a day? As long as we are human and are bound also to be in the giving or receiving end, we have no choice but to forgive.
It's about choosing to let go of negative emotions or energy, as some people will put it, learning from our experiences, and growing as individuals. Whether we forgive for our own peace, for the sake of relationships, or because of our faith, forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and growth. And that's something to hold onto.
I know sometimes, letting go is hard, as we also want them to feel the way we feel, wanting instant justice, no matter how much we react, if we go further, it's just hurting ourselves more. We can't control how others behave, but we can still control how we react to them. Just because I forgive someone doesn't mean I'll automatically trust them or want to maintain a close relationship. Setting boundaries in any relationship also shows that we don't forget, as forgiveness doesn't mean compromising our own well-being
Apart from the fact that my brain functions well and can't easily go on an automatic memory rease of some memories I don't like to remember, having these memories of how hurt we were by someone, makes us knoe how to play smart, build our emotions and also be cautious of people around us, because everyone is a suspect.
I believe "Forgive and forget" was just a term coiled up to make peace and doesn't neccessarily means it is practical, the next time you forgive someone and they bring that forget part, just make them aware that while you can forgive, the memories of them hurting you might still remain, depending on the gravity of what they did, and that's okay. Maybe it might make them become truly remorseful, and you both don't have to go through such again. Forgiveness is about releasing the burden of resentment and anger, not erasing the past.
Image is mine