A saying that stuck with me from my childhood is from my dad. I remember him always telling me, "People would always talk. If you do good, they'll have something to say, same with when you do bad. People always have something to say." The first time he said it was when a group of people was criticizing the Late Prophet T.B Joshua. It didn't make sense to me at the time why a whole lot of people always said bad things about him despite his great generosity to the sick and needy. This statement from my dad is forever inscribed in my heart and I also tell people all the time, whenever the need arises.
Image source- People will always Talk
It's interesting how much we care about the opinions other people have of us. It's a crazy cycle. The people we are thinking about are also deep in their thoughts wondering what the next person thinks of them. You will be amazed at the large number of people who have refused to start something, go to a certain place, or be in a relationship with a particular person because they care so much about other people. One complaint we often have about our parents is that most of their worries about our behavior stem from what people might think about them. So when your mom tells you not to pierce your nose, it's not because she cares so much, rather she's deeply bothered about what mama nkechi would think of her parenting.
I've come to realize that as human beings we all crave acceptance. We want people to like us which I don't think is such a bad thing except it becomes obsessive. I've hidden a huge part of myself because I was so bothered that people might say so many things. There was a time I wanted to start a business and I stalled. When I eventually did it, I was too shy to post about it for a while. When relationships break, business fails, family crashes we often don't even care about ourselves but other people and it's not a good thing. We care so much about people that we stop living for ourselves but for the acceptance of other people and we forget that it's impossible to please everyone.
Is it possible that people wouldn't talk about you? No. Is it easy to stop caring about what they think? It's really difficult. But I've come to learn some things about life. Like my dad said, people would always talk. It doesn't matter what you do, there are people who wouldn't like it. Even Jesus Christ wasn't accepted by all. It's impossible to be liked by everyone. Something you do, wouldn't make sense to the next person and that's fine.
Image Source- Life is beautiful
Secondly, we have to always keep in mind that you are the main character of your life. I came to this world alone, I'll die alone and face judgement on my own, without my parents, siblings, or friends. This is to show you that any other person apart from yourself is just an extra in your life. They don't matter as much as you do. Everyone thinks of themselves so you should do the same too because if you stall in pursuing your happiness because of people, they would be the same people to call you a failure.
Hard truth is that nobody really cares about you as you think. Hard truth but you are not so special. These people we always worry about have a million things on their minds. Do you see the state of the nation? Inflation, insecurity and poverty? So you see people are so busy trying to figure things out. Your mind is just playing games so you continue to live with an imaginary restraint and in perpetual fear.
Finally, who do you know that has died because he/she was talked about? Nobody love, not a single soul. People are talking and so what? In a popular Nigerian song, No Lele Wizkid said "Na dem get their mouth oh, make dem run their mouth". Even if they talk about you, after a day or few days at most, there's something new and everyone moves on.
I'm learning to live for myself and put myself first because I'm the number one person in my life. If I don't want it, I'm not doing it irrespective of anybody's opinion. It's only my happiness that matters. I've learned that the happiest people in life are those who don't give a damn and that's what I aspire for. You should too.
