Osinachi's case broke my heart when I read about her on various blogging platforms, I tried putting pictures of her life in the relationship together and I was left with a series of unanswered questions to which only the deceased can give answers.
The challenges we face in the world today are too many, it is so unfortunate that we don't have the power over many of those things that makes life stressful but among the things, we have control over, are we doing what is right in or with them.
The feelings we have for others are not one of those things we don't have power over and it baffles me how people choose to endure pain in what's supposed to bring happiness into their life.
I don't know how you define love but it is supposed to bring peace, and happiness not punches or kicks. A relationship without peace of happiness is not worth staying in, a man who loves you wouldn't hit you for any reason.
The cases of abuse in relationships are becoming a norm in society today and I want to believe that the victims keeping silent about it is making things get worse every day. There are lots of organizations and public figures out there that will help you get justice, there is no point in suffering when you can set yourself free.
Keeping quiet means you have automatically condemned someone somewhere to being abused, speaking out would make other victims speak out and this means you are educating the younger generation on what to settle for and what not to take lightly in a relationship.
To stop this act from growing, I think there as to be laws protecting people from abuse in relationships. The law must come with serious punishment and even death depending on what the culprit has done.
Simple advice to every woman out there.
Don't be too financially dependent on your husband:
I feel sorry for the girls of my generation who put all their life in their spouse's hands because one of the things that make people endure abuse is the fear of not being able to survive alone.
Learn a trade, learn skills and become independent, trust me when I say this is the first thing that gives you an edge in an abusive relationship.
Being a full housewife is never an option because he can become a beast over the night but because you don't have a dime to move on, you sit and endure the abuse which most times doesn't end well.
You can't change everyone.
We make the mistake of believing that we can change someone when going into a relationship, that's not true. There is a Yoruba saying that "Kosi bi ase fe se ebolo ti ko ni run igbe", which means that no matter how well you try to change someone - you can't completely change them, there will still be traces of that old habit.
As long as you know that you are not comfortable with him or her, don't hesitate to quick and there is no point in putting one's life on the line all in the name of believing that you change a person. What if he can't be changed, can you handle him?
Don't ignore the red flags.
A man wouldn't just kick you at once, it must have started with him showing serious anger while arguing.
He must have slapped you a series of times, these are signs you mustn't turn down.
If he is doing that to you now, the time will come when he will use his fist and hurt you so badly.
You don't have any reason to stay.
I have had kids for him, we built the house together, I made him successful, and so on, understand that those things only matter when we are still living.
There is no justified reason to stay in an abusive relationship, if you have done too much then file for divorce and let the law collect everything you have invested in the relationship back for. It is better to leave the relationship than to leave everything in the world behind if the abuse eventually results in death.
Don't be silent about it.
One thing that makes me still happy is the fact that there is still some act of humanity in us and the world wouldn't ignore your story when it comes to being a victim of abuse.
I was returning from the farm one day when I heard a female voice screaming for help, I called a few guys in the neighborhood and went in that direction. We got there and saw a guy trying to rape a schoolgirl, he got the beating of his life before being handed over to the police.
You are not in the world alone and people will come to your aid only if they know what's going on, don't shut your mouth and endure shit.
Parents have a lot of work to do because most of these things we are seeing today are what these adults learned when they were younger.
Men must learn to control their anger while women who are victims mustn't settle for it because while the male child is learning from his father that beating his wife is okay, the female child is learning that she must endure such a life.
Every parent must learn to tolerate and endure each other, which would encourage the coming generation to do the same.
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