It's evident that humans go through cycles of transformation as we grow, which can be a result of learning, unlearning, and understanding more about ourselves and life in general. The minute we have a shift in perspective about something, change is inevitable, and that's the reason why it's constant. I have always seen change as an important part of human life; it's something we can't shy away from, and refusing it can come with consequences. But embracing it can put us on track to experiencing clarity, peace, and purpose.
As I journey through life, I have had to leave so many things behind at different stages of my life, and I see myself leaving more behind in the future because the older I get, the more I realize what truly matters, and the less I hold onto things that don't add value or make my life better. Some of these decisions weren't easy, so it's understandable why some people find it difficult to let go of things despite knowing it's not helping. But I had to move on without these things – it's like traveling lighter so I can have the best experience on the journey called life.
One of the things that has really affected my life in the past was putting people before myself. I do not think much when it comes to helping; I just want to do whatever I can, not minding or weighing the effects of my actions. I did that a lot, and it backfired, putting me in difficult situations that I didn't foresee. The thing is that I derive joy from helping people, but a lot of the time, it ends up as a problem because I always do more than I should. It just keeps happening, and I go with the idea that everyone isn't the same, until a few years ago when I decided to put myself first always.
I was new to fish farming then, and there were sales that happened before the proper harvest. Instead of just keeping this money in my account, I decided to give it to a POS woman in my area to trade with it, so that she wouldn't have to always struggle with cash. I didn't just make the decision; I knew the woman because I transacted with her very well, and she seemed trustworthy. I saw her struggle with cash and felt like giving her the cash until I needed it was a good idea, but it wasn't. When it was time to take the money back, it was difficult. She kept postponing me, hiding, and playing all sorts of games. I was really angry and it affected me badly. I wished I had just kept the money in my bank account.
After speaking to a friend about it, he scolded me for always thinking too much about helping people without putting myself into consideration. He mentioned other instances he knew about, and I thought about it critically before making up my mind to only render assistance that wouldn't put me in difficult situations. It's not like I don't help anymore, but I only do things that give me lasting happiness, not what would put me into trouble.
I traveled with different emotional baggage in the past, and it made my journey a lot more difficult. Due to those baggage, I drew my strength and inspiration from the wrong source. I was full of hate, and it wasn't a good one. It's fair to say that I wasn't even living for myself; everything I did was to prove someone wrong or prove a point that doesn't matter. It was draining, as I barely appreciated myself in any way. No sense of accomplishment or appreciation whatsoever, and it sucks. I felt like a burden; I knew it wasn't helping, but I couldn't let go because I felt I needed that anger to keep going.
It felt like the right thing at the beginning, but not at the end. I realized it was tearing me apart and sought help from someone who ended up introducing me to the minimalist lifestyle. She taught me to take a different approach to life by doing things because I love to do them, not because I wanted to prove anything. Honestly, it wasn't the easiest decision, because there was someone who hurt me badly that I wanted to show him that my life can be perfect with or without him. I didn't just learn to discard those baggage one after the other; I also learned not to travel with one anymore.
There are so many things I left behind, but these two have had more impact on me than I thought they would. Doing away with them has made me experience genuine happiness, gratitude, and self-appreciation, making my journey a lot more beautiful.
