Relationships are a crucial aspect of human connection; they are meant to bring joy, comfort, value, and meaning to our lives, which a lot of people are experiencing today. But unfortunately, it's the other way around in some relationships, and that brings up the question, what are the people in awesome relationships doing differently, or are they just lucky?
I got to the point of asking this question when I started struggling to keep up with some relationships. A part of me insisted that some humans are just lucky to have good relationships that don't drain them or cause them headaches, while there is this part that makes me feel like I wasn't doing something right, but what exactly?
All that time I was still fresh and learning more about minimalism and my relationship life lacked the minimalist influence.
Back then, I believed in numbers when it comes to having people around me. I didn't want to be left out of the grind and was always on the ground for everyone I had the slightest relationship with.
If I am being honest, I knew it was draining me but didn't see any reason to start trimming down the list because I had a terrible mentality about being part of a large circle. It's so bad that when people walk away noticing I stopped giving them attention which was necessary because that relationship was draining, I always go back to apologize for not giving them the time I don't have; I also had a lot going on with me at that time.
I kept struggling until the time I made myself a priority in every relationship I was in. Immediately, people started showing me who they really were, and it broke my heart.
It's a fact that when the parties involved in a relationship feel seen, heard, and valued, only then can a relationship flourish.
I have always known that life isn't easy for many of us, and we are just trying to support others physically, mentally, and emotionally while fighting personal battles, so when someone doesn't show any sense of appreciation or reciprocate this gesture in the simplest of forms while in a relationship, it's no relationship.
It became clear that I was forcing so many things and had to let go. I needed to see those who really valued what we shared, and my first approach was to go silent for a while. The chats went down drastically, and I started filtering. I came up with a few sets of guides for myself regarding relationships; I don't like calling them rules.
Having simplified expectations.
I cultivated the habit of having fewer expectations from people, understanding clearly that we are all humans. Just like I am not perfect to everyone, I can't expect people to be perfect to me either. We all have our shortcomings, and feeling entitled despite knowing others shortcomings is a terrible thing to do.
With fewer expectations, handling disappointment in a relationship became the easiest of things for me. It helps me focus on our shared interests, values, and experiences rather than meeting/demanding unnecessary expectations.
An instance is a very good friend of mine who barely remembers my birthday every year. Last year was no different, and he didn't remember until I called to check up on him a few days after. We exchanged pleasantries, and he went silent for a few seconds. I knew very well that he went to check his calendar. He started apologizing, and I just laughed because that's just him. Not remembering my birthday doesn't make him any less of the good friend he has always been.
Having fewer expectations doesn't mean my relationships should have zero standards. No, they must be the healthy type, but some expectations aren't just worth throwing good people away for.
Focus on quality over quantity.
I believe that's the best word to describe letting go of unnecessary relationships whose foundations were built on absolutely nothing. Whatever bond we had brought no value to me, and it's not just working out.
It was easy as many didn't bother checking why I stopped communicating, and moving on from them wasn't a problem since I discarded every emotional baggage attached to them earlier. My commitment reduced a lot, and I had enough time to cultivate the valuable relationship I am left with. I was able to prioritize depth and meaningfulness in the few relationships rather than trying to maintain a large social circle with little impact on me.
I became careful from that moment before deciding on what my relationship with an individual would be, which might even take months to figure out. If that deciding time is too much for you to bear with, then you can gladly walk away.
I now cherish open & honest conversation and even look forward to it. I appreciate people who wouldn't hesitate to look into my eyes and spill the truth knowing very well that it could make us drift apart.
Am not much of talker but when it has to do with meaningful conversations, I do go at good lengths giving turns to listen without any form of distraction. It doesn't even matter if we don't communicate every day, but whenever we do, it should be impactful. I also prioritize experiences over possessions, and once these qualities aren't present, we aren't in a relationship.
I found peace applying the minimalist lifestyle in my relationships because I have been able to streamline my relationships, reduce stress, and cultivate more meaningful connection. I am also always reminded that relationships, like life itself, are a work in progress. The more we grow, the more we learn, and the knowledge gained just keeps helping us get better as long as we embrace simplicity and stay intentional.
