Cleo and Teddy Merlin

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.

- James Herriot -

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When I lost my cat Merlin just over a year ago I was devastated. We'd been together for twenty two years and I counted him as my best mate; he always there to listen to me, have a snuggle or just sit and keep me company. We went through a lot together that little man and I and losing him wasn't a good time for me; I felt I'd lost such a huge part of my life and in truth I had.

I still had my girl Cleo, a stray I took in when she was only around five weeks old, and whilst I never loved one more than the other, she became the sole focus of my attention from the moment I came home from the vet with Merlin wrapped up for burial. I dealt with Merlin then scooped her up and we had a cuddle. It helped me of course and I believe she felt the loss also, and needed my closeness; she snuggled a little more deeply in my arms and pressed her face into my neck and we sat there missing Merlin.

Over the next day or two I noticed Cleo wandering about aimlessly; it was like she couldn't get comfortable in her usual spots and I understood; I felt the same.

Merlin and Cleo were inseparable and from the moment she came into the house he took charge making sure she was comfortable, entertained and protected. He would give up his comfortable spots if she wanted them, groomed her, searched for her at dinner time and brought her to the dinner table even letting her eat first and generally snuggled a lot with her; a constant companion. She loved it of course, took liberties and acted like the entitled Cleopatra that she was and is. Merlin loved her though and she loved him back. I loved them both.

About a week later Cleo still seemed a little out of sorts so I decided to buy a black panther soft-toy teddy-bear thing for her. I brought it home and dubbed it Teddy Merlin placing it on the couch beside her. It didn't go well. She didn't like it at all. Cleo is a loving cat but only with me; she doesn't like change much either, most cats don't. She didn't like Teddy Merlin being in the house and gave him a wide berth. Ok, that was a massive failure I guess and I felt a little sad.

I kept Teddy Merlin though. He'd sit on top of my piano, on the back of the lounge suite, on the end of the bed and in various other locations in which the real Merlin often lounged. I even found myself absent-mindedly mistaking Teddy Merlin for the real one which was heart wrenching to say the least. But Teddy Merlin was good to have around.

Cleo didn't have anything to do with Teddy Merlin though and after well over a year I'd given up. But...A few days ago I put Teddy Merlin on the couch for something different. I was actually cleaning and he was in the way. I went about my chores then came back into the lounge room and...

...There was Cleo snuggled up with Teddy Merlin in the same way she used to with the real Merlin. It broke my heart all over again but made me smile too.

I took these photos on my phone thinking it wouldn't last but it did. Over the last few days Cleo has gone back to Teddy Merlin and snuggled in exactly the same way she did with Merlin himself, an image of which you can see above. It was just so cute the way they snuggled together.

I've read that cats have memory recall that spans some ten years in certain circumstances although I'm not sure about that. I don't know if Cleo remembers Merlin or why she's taken to Teddy Merlin lately but I like to think she remembers and finds solace in the company of his teddy-version.

For me, well I take a great deal of solace from having Cleo with me and am really pleased to see her snuggling with Teddy Merlin. It reminds me of how she and Merlin would snuggle and it puts a smile on my face when I think about it. That's not a bad thing.

Losing pets is painful and I often find myself wondering if Merlin knew how much I loved him and what he meant to me; I like to think he did. I was with him at the last. His eyes closed and his head slowly dipped into my hand which cradled it. The left him and I felt like some of me died also; I felt wretched and alone without him. It was a terrible moment and I was inconsolable. Five days later my dad passed away...It was a difficult week.

I remember Merlin fondly every single day and whilst the thought of that little chap brings tears to my eyes it also brings happiness; we had an amazing time together. I pour all my love into Cleo now knowing she'll leave me also but I have her right now and she brings me more joy than I could possibly explain in words. I'm happy she's snuggling up with Teddy Merlin now and it makes me feel, in some strange way, that he's still here with us.