A business opportunity: 1800CUNT

You've heard of Uber, Amazon, Facebook, Apple, McDonalds, IKEA, LEGO, DuPont, Walmart and so on right? They're all amazingly successful corporations that started very small, basically with a simple idea. Well, I had just such an idea last week and I'm going to be investing my entire life savings into it and am pretty sure about a month or so later I will be a gazillionaire!

You have the chance to get involved and you don't want to miss it.

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The thought begins

For some reason a lot of people are fucken lazy and reluctant to work. I get it because who wants to work right? Work is for schmucks, losers and fucktards; lazy cunts are so in right now.

People are also lazy outside of work. They order food and shopping from their couch using online portals like Amazon and Uber, buy processed and pre-made foods instead of cooking. People are so lazy they don't even want to take the time to socialise properly preferring social media over real and valid connections and relationships with real people. They're so lazy they hail AI as the greatest thing ever and use it in preference to their own brains. Hmmm...there's an opportunity.

The idea strikes

I was thinking about how fucken lazy people are and right at the same moment an advertisement for Uber Food came on the TV and the idea just hit me...why doesn't someone start a company that takes advantage of people's laziness. Well now, that sounded like a fucken good idea so I've decided to start that company myself and will be investing my entire life savings into it.

How it works

It's simple, if you're a lazy cunt, you simply call up on 1800CUNT and before you know it, someone else will come along and do whatever you want them to do on your behalf.

Examples:

• Don't want to make love to your partner? Call 1800CUNT and order up someone who will.
• Don't want to go to your grandmas funeral? Call 1800CUNT and order up someone who will.
• Don't want to put effort, passion and personality into your Hive post? Call 1800CUNT and order up someone who will.

No matter what you don't want to do from raising your children, being present with your partner and family, going on holiday, seeing your friends, getting engaged and interested in your own life, having a wank...no matter what it is, call 1800CUNT and my company will provide someone to do it for you.

The specifics

There's a cost to the end user of course; naturally I'd have to pay the research and development, marketing, legal, Operations and I.T. teams...and the poor cunts who do all the work on behalf of the lazy cunts who order them up as well (I'd pay them fuck all though, like Amazon do)...and of course, I'd have to make billions in profits like any good CEO does. I'd also have to spend money on my "environmental team" who would hide all the environmental disasters my company would cause around the world...all while my marketing and brand awareness teams were promoting how environmentally conscious my company is; we recycle, honest we do. There's a lot of costs but, of course, the main thing is that I'd be making billions on the hard work and effort of others and pretending that I actually gave a fuck about them...just like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos do.

I can't really go into the specifics to be honest, legal reasons, but you get the drift I think.

The opportunity

This is where you get involved. You see, I've invested my life savings into this company already, bazillions of dollars, but your life savings could help things along as well. Don't worry, there'll be a solid return, not that bullshit return those dumb cunts on Blurt get - (actually literally none I think). The return on investment in my company will set you up for life...and me too of course.

All you need to do is send over your savings to me and to make it easy I take crypto and fiat, precious metals like gold, silver and platinum, stocks and bonds and other such things...just send it all over, it'll be in good hands.

In summary

I know right? It sounds too good to be true...A company that makes profits from lazy cunts, but true it is. You have the chance to get in on the ground floor, invest early for the biggest returns, and let me assure you that you'll not regret it...and if you do too fucken bad because those at the top will be billionaires - like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Dara Khosrowshahi (Uber CEO) and others like them - and they won't care about you even though they pretend they do.

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