It’s shorthand for cryptography. It’s a secret code, kind of like “Bosco.”
Long ago, Sir Isaac Newton told us that, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
Cryptography occurs when written text is converted into a code (i.e. “encipher”). Cryptography also completes the opposite action wherein a code is translated into written text.
It’s not a secret anymore, though. It’s just a matter of deciphering which sources are selling the correct information.
Hey babe, “If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar.”
Look, I like to be as concise as possible, whenever possible. I prefer “Brevity” to longevity. And, I prefer to share popular music with my audience to help illustrate the behavioral fluctuations of my character.
These characteristics are with me forever. These are my personality traits. They cannot be altered. These are the “Things I Can’t Change.”
Life is a roller coaster. The ups induce jubilation. The downs force us to reflect on what’s truly important. So hodl tight and enjoy the ride. This story is called “Crypto,” and it’s based on real events.
It begins on a Monday afternoon in mid-December, 2017.
I placed a bet on the future. I put my money on Metz. I thought they would be the next “It” band. I was wrong, though. Turns out, nobody is talking about Metz. So, I guess it’s “Back to the drawing board.”
Rest assured, “It’s all about to change.” The caveat is that we just don’t know for sure which band it will be. It’s all speculation at this juncture. It’s like a coin flip at this point.
See, the art of conversation will dictate its success. It will only flourish if you talk about it.
Ya dig?
Last Monday night, I met up with my former roommate, A.J. A.J. moved in with his girlfriend. I now pay double the rent.
So it goes.
We convened at Fly Bar on Divisadero, a mere two blocks from The Independent. We shared chicken nachos and drank some pilsners. We talked about the Metz-up world. Then, we talked about our daily lives. Next, we talked about our future plans.
A band called Moaning was the opening act. Their sound resembled that of Joy Division. Then Metz took center stage around 10 o’clock in the evening.
Armen, our Uber driver, blasted E-40 on the way back to the East Bay. I was fine with that. Because, at the end of the day, “We out here tryna function.”
And, “At the end of the day, I do just what I want.”
“And, at the end of the day, I’m just happy to be here.”
Are you not?
I mean, “Why can’t you just be happy?”
And why can’t you recognize that The Story So Far are simply a modern iteration of Taking Back Sunday?
On Tuesday morning, I took it all back.
See, in my story, Tuesday is the new Sunday. I took back my weekend because it’s all I got left. I’ll work for the man, but I need to have some fun, too.
You already know what transpires, but I’ll tell you anyways.
I woke up to a vibrating portable device. It was out of control, and I was “Out Of It” from the night before.
Mario Batali had been blacklisted. The crypt keeper had visited Ed Lee. And the “Crypto” market was on the rise. I wore my The Movielife t-shirt, because on days like these, well, life is but a dream.
I texted my friends, “I don’t want to alarm you guys, but Litecoin is trending upwards.”
Jesse replied, “You guys, this Xmas could be unbelievable for cryptos.” I should mention that Jesse is of Jewish heritage.
“The world is going crypto crazy,” said Kanaan. “Fly me to the moon.”
Bitcoin had emerged as the market leader. Ethereum was a distant #2. Litecoin took the bronze. And, along the way, we got caught up in a game of “International Intrigue” and “Unbridled Enthusiasm.”
Now, we’re “In Too Deep,” bruh.
By Wednesday, it was back to work. “Here we go again,” I thought. It was cold. The car windshields were frosted over. I couldn’t see two feet in front of me.
Turns out, a lot of folks are blinded by the “Crypto Mania,” as well. This is not a “get-rich-quick” scheme, folks. This is technology in its infancy. Right now, it’s a digital gold rush. Surely, there will be winners and losers. However, the long-term success depends on mainstream adoption.
Will your clothing boutique endorse Bitcoin? Will your firm utilize “smart contracts” on the Ethereum network? And, can valet parking attendants accept Litecoin as a form of gratuity?
The thought of digital currency connected to a public ledger sounds like An American Paradox. My friends and I are simply “Lubricating The Revolution.”
Still, nobody knows anything. We only know what they tell us. So, just “Buy the rumor, and sell the news.” Likewise, “Buy the Facebook post, and sell the likes.”
Oy vey.
It’s the end of the year, and I’m “Breakin’ Down.” As such, I’ve been staying in lately, hibernating. I’ve been watching popcorn flicks on my television screen. This week, I watched Sleeping with the Enemy, alongside The Rise and Rise of Bitcoin.
I watched the former and realized that Julia Roberts was merely an actress from the 80s and 90s. I watched the latter and realized that a handful of cynics are writing off Bitcoin and other such cryptocurrencies as a fad.
If only I had joined the game a few short years ago, I could have been a “Contender.”
And, if only I had been more aware of my surroundings, I could have prevented my fall.
But here I am. And, “Here we go again.”
And might I add, “Have a nice trip! See you next fall!”
I’m not joking, either. I tripped and fell on the following Monday around 2 o’clock in the afternoon. Yes, literally. I took a tumble. It was embarrassing. I died, so to speak. Then, I came back to life. And, “For The Record“, I’m now a fan of Every Time I Die.
I was jogging around the lake. I was looking straight ahead, not down. Who would look down? I hit a divot or something. Or maybe my shoe got caught in a crack in the pavement. I ate shit. My instinct told me to break my fall with my right hand, just as I did when I fractured my right wrist while playing basketball in the 8th grade.
I gathered myself, and uttered an incredulous “Wow!”
The jogger passing by on my left asked, ”Are you okay, bro?”
In my head, I thought, “I’m Not Okay (I Promise).”
And furthermore, “You’re not my bro, don’t say it, don’t you pretend that you’re my bro.”
In reality, I said, “I’m fine, thanks.”
I came to, dusted myself off, and did another lap around the lake. At the end of the day, I had scraped my hand and my right arm. I had also fashioned a “Black And Blue” mark on my outer right thigh.
Later that evening, I listened to Stomping Ground. Next, I revisited Culture Abuse. Then, I wrote a letter to my friend, Kris Kringle.
It seems that most toddlers are frightened of Old Saint Nick, judging by the photos circulating on my Facebook feed. Believe you me; he’s a jolly guy.
Trust me. “I know him!”
Dear Santa,
All I want for Xmas is “Peace On Earth.”
“And, all I want is forward progress.”
And, perhaps some Ether as a stocking stuffer.
Because, you know, coal doesn’t have much utility anymore.
And, uh, for Litecoin to hit 500, please.
Thanks, brah.
-Ian
P.S. I know, in reality, this is just wishful thinking. And, by the way, “This song was only wishful thinking.”
P.P.S. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.“
But, I digress.
A few days later, the Crypto market followed suit. It took a tumble, so to speak.
“Here we go again,” I reminded myself.
I saw the headlines on that Thursday morning. Meanwhile, my phone was blowing up.
“I think the bubble is bursting! Sell, sell, sell!” exclaimed Paul.
“Downtown Chinatown,” added Kanaan.
“It’s like the ‘Blockchain Airing of Grievances,’” I replied. “And, Festivus is this Saturday the 23rd, don’t you know?”
The news was delivered in a flurry, but I didn’t want to buy into it.
“The Flawed Bull Case for Bitcoin,” The Wall Street Journal stated. But I couldn’t read on. Turns out, I had to pay to access content on The WSJ website.
“Bitcoin is falling,” said Business Insider.
“Bitcoin Tumbles From Record in Biggest Slump Since Futures,” uttered Bloomberg Technology
“Litecoin Creator Sells Stake Citing ‘Conflict of Interest,’” CoinDesk remarked
“Coinbase Halts Bitcoin Cash Transactions Amidst Accusations of Insider Trading,” The Verge speculated.
“Opinion: Bitcoin is a Derivative That Could Bring Down the Financial System,” claimed International Investment
“Cryptocurrency’s Future Increasingly Enigmatic,” as Newsmax assumed the role of Captain Obvious.
“OMG!” I panicked for a brief moment. Then, I glanced at some other headlines.
The thing about the modern era is that you can cater the news to your liking. You can get push alerts from CNN. You can follow the market on Bloomberg TV. Or you can watch MSNBC if that’s your cup of tea. And you can ignore the naysayers. Or you can watch Hannity on Fox News every weeknight at 9pm EST.
My outlook brightened.
“As Bitcoin Flirts with $20k, Let’s Revisit its Earlier Crashes,” said Forbes in a reassuring tone.
“The Bitcoin Boom: In Code We Trust,” read an op-ed piece from The New York Times
“Bitcoin’s Smaller Cousins are Leading the Crypto Rally,” Bloomberg confirmed
“Stay in Bitcoin and Other Cryptocurrencies for the Long Haul,” exclaimed the Financial Times. Again, though, I couldn’t actually read the article because I’m not a loyal subscriber.
Turns out, freedom is not free. Neither is information.
Now, we’re just counting the days till the ball drops.
And, I’m “Counting The Days” till I go to Hell.
But, “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.” It’s only Las Vegas.
And, this is only a “Punk Rock Song.”
And, at the end of the day, I’m just an Epitaph Records fanboy, even though “Punk Rock Song” was a single released during the Atlantic years.
And, again, I don’t want to alarm you, but this is merely the “Framework” for something bigger.
Now, the story must end. However, the end of my story might be “The beginning of a blockchain revolution.”
So, stay tuned. And, of course, Happy Holidays to you and yours.
And, please remember to Tell All Your Friends about this story. In case you forgot, I called this one “Crypto.”
