As a fitness addict, I too can relate to the feelings of uncertainty, shame, and so many other emotions. After my first bodybuilding competition, I cringed when I saw the scale move up from 105 to 107 pounds. At first, I cried - I was SO upset and thought to myself, "what is wrong with me?" What is wrong with me? NOTHING! I called my coach afterwards and talked with her for about an hour. After we spoke, I threw my scale out and said fuck it - my weight is not defined by a scale. I am a beautiful, talented girl and damn, I just won my first bodybuilding competition! My point here is, no matter where you are - don't give up. Throw out your scale, it is not an accurate representation of your mental and physical health and well-being.
Here's what I've learned instead - to learn to be comfortable outside your comfort zone because in order to reach a goal, you have to decide you want it more than you're afraid of it.
So here's to being happy, healthy, mindful, free and acknowledging the beauty of life inside and out.