It was already past midnight and I was still working on my laptop, trying to finish up something for the next day. At some point I paused and looked beside me. My wife had been asleep for hours. As I watched her, my thoughts drifted back to how far we have come from being two completely different individuals to where we are today.
Our lifestyle was the opposite before we got married. I preferred to wake up, pray, make my bed and shower. Anything not properly arranged, shoes scattered, clothes thrown around, wardrobes left open, could irritate me easily. I didn’t enjoy sharing my things, not even with siblings. I lived alone in school so I could keep everything in order. I couldn’t sleep with the lights on or any noise coming from the TV or radio.
On the other hand, she would wake up, pray, take her bath later, then make the bed whenever she remembered. She could hang her clothes from one end of a rope to another, leave them around or on the bed, drop her shoes anywhere and use the bed for anything she imagined. She loved the company of people, had many friends and was extremely extroverted. She couldn’t sleep if the light was off. Joyce lived with a kind of freedom that was completely different from mine.
Yet we met and fell in love. We went on dates and then one day we got married.
The biblical statement that says “And the two shall become one flesh” became our guide. There are so many sacrifices to be made, so much to let go and let in. I let go to let in, she let go to let in, and gradually we created a new pattern for life, a pattern for we, us and our instead of me, I and mine.
As singles, each of us had our way of life, but once you are married something changes. You are no longer man and woman living in your private world, but husband and wife sharing one life. This is where many people struggle. They still want to live as they did before marriage, acting like single individuals in a union that requires partnership. It becomes difficult to have a peaceful marriage when both partners still operate as if they are alone.
I don’t remember ever deciding what I would eat or wear. My wife always asked what are we having for breakfast and whatever she chose worked perfectly for all of us. She learned how to blend our likes and dislikes. With clothes, she picked them because she was the one who bought most of them and we even had matching outfits. Going for events or any function became something we usually did together. Her company was something I always desired.
As I looked at her sleeping peacefully that night, I understood something deeply. The perfect partner is not someone who comes already shaped for you. The perfect partner is someone willing to grow, adjust, understand, sacrifice and build a life together with you.
Two imperfect people shaping a life that fits both of them, that is what finding the perfect partner truly means.
Spanish Version
Buscando a la pareja perfecta
Ya era pasada la medianoche y yo seguía trabajando en mi portátil, intentando terminar algo para el día siguiente. En un momento, me detuve y miré a mi lado. Mi esposa llevaba horas dormida. Mientras la observaba, mis pensamientos se remontaron a lo lejos que habíamos llegado de ser dos personas completamente diferentes a donde estamos hoy.
Nuestro estilo de vida era el opuesto antes de casarnos. Prefería despertarme, rezar, hacer la cama y ducharme. Cualquier cosa mal ordenada, zapatos desparramados, ropa tirada, armarios abiertos, me irritaba fácilmente. No me gustaba compartir mis cosas, ni siquiera con mis hermanos. Vivía solo en la escuela para mantener todo en orden. No podía dormir con las luces encendidas ni con ruido de la televisión o la radio.
En cambio, ella se despertaba, rezaba, se bañaba más tarde y luego hacía la cama cuando se acordaba. Podía colgar la ropa de un extremo a otro de una cuerda, dejarla alrededor o sobre la cama, dejar los zapatos donde quisiera y usar la cama para lo que se le ocurriera. Amaba la compañía, tenía muchos amigos y era extremadamente extrovertida. No podía dormir si la luz estaba apagada. Joyce vivía con una libertad completamente diferente a la mía.
Aun así, nos conocimos y nos enamoramos. Salimos y un día nos casamos.
La frase bíblica «Y los dos serán una sola carne» se convirtió en nuestra guía. Hay tantos sacrificios que hacer, tanto que soltar y dejar entrar. Yo solté para dejar entrar, ella soltó para dejar entrar, y poco a poco creamos un nuevo patrón de vida, un patrón para nosotros, nosotros y nuestro, en lugar de yo, yo y mío.
Como solteros, cada uno tenía su estilo de vida, pero una vez que te casas algo cambia. Ya no eres hombre y mujer viviendo en tu mundo privado, sino marido y mujer compartiendo una sola vida. Aquí es donde muchas personas luchan. Todavía quieren vivir como antes del matrimonio, actuando como solteros en una unión que requiere compañerismo. Se vuelve difícil tener un matrimonio pacífico cuando ambos cónyuges siguen actuando como si estuvieran solos.
No recuerdo haber decidido nunca qué comería ni qué me pondría. Mi esposa siempre preguntaba qué íbamos a desayunar y lo que ella elegía nos venía perfecto a todos. Aprendió a conciliar nuestros gustos y disgustos. En cuanto a la ropa, la escogía porque era quien compraba la mayoría, e incluso teníamos conjuntos a juego. Ir a eventos o cualquier evento se convirtió en algo que hacíamos juntos. Su compañía era algo que siempre deseé.
Al verla dormir plácidamente esa noche, comprendí algo profundamente. La pareja perfecta no es alguien que ya viene hecha para ti. La pareja perfecta es alguien dispuesto a crecer, adaptarse, comprender, sacrificarse y construir una vida contigo.
Dos personas imperfectas forjando una vida que encaja con ambas: eso es lo que realmente significa encontrar a la pareja perfecta.
