If I told you that I am living in the past you might think I am talking about nostalgia or reminiscing about old memories, but that's not quite what I mean. I mean I am literally living in a time that has already past and cannot be changed or reverse.
Everything that I know in real life, the friends I have made, the music I know, my sense of dressing and taste in entertainment are all I have experienced and known from decade past. You might think I am telling you some kind of fantasy story or joke, but that's really the life I am living. I am trapped in a bundle of outdated experiences, unable to keep pace with the modern world around me.
Let me tell you what happened and how I ended up in this situation. It started about 25 years ago when I was in my year one in the university, and I had a terrible illness that nearly took my life away. But after a tough medical battle and months of recovery I ended up losing my hearing completely, which cut me off from the world from that time onward. Without access to music, communication and cultural shifts my life stopped to progress along with time.
The friends that I had before my illness gradually move on with their lives as they found new interest and became husbands and wives in their respective families while I remain frozen in the same moment and in my home town. Making new friends became difficult without the ability to communicate and also with the fact that I didn't want to expose my condition to the world. The only friends that stuck with me through the time up till now, are the woman who became my wife and my nephew who is the only male friend I have today.
The greatest challenge I have faced through this challenges is learning to read the lips of people around me to make communication easy without making people to repeat themselves over and over again when they speak to me. It took years of practice and patience to develop the skill and I would have my wife to thank for her patient and unwavering support throughout this journey.
Now I do not have problem with communicating with people around me but that spark to connect with new people and the wider world has faded overtime. The world today as I see it moves too fast for people like me. People aren't that patient to deal with someone with my condition and I have grown to accept this reality and find peace in my small circle of family and relatives.
I don't know the type of music here that young people listen to today or what trend of fashion is popular in real life. Everything I have known about the modern world are what I could learn through the internet and reading news online. This is where I also have new people that I connect with, people I don't even though how they look like in real life. Through this online connection, I have found sense of belonging and a way to express myself without the barrier of my hearing loss.
Today I am a bit satisfied because I survived the storming years and have grown up to become a man with a family that loves me and accept me for who I am. My life might be stuck in the past, but with my family and the internet, I have found a way to live meaningfully in the present.
