Till this point I've always been secretly guided by the philosopher who lives inside me. So many questions, an endless ocean of doubts. However, these questions have never given me satisfaction, pleasure, or anything i truly want to feel. They just provide more questions and the game goes on.
If given the chance to stop all these questions and live a life of my design without having to stop and ponder on the possible consequences and problems that it could imply, i would make things very simple: abundance of health, sex, and beauty, and by beauty i mean the subjective beauty that my eyes feast on, not the one that can be seen if you look close enough and go beyond expectation.
That would be all.
As you see it would be incredible simple, and clearly more pleasurable than a mind crowded with infinite pondering of what is right and wrong, and what direction should be walked to find ultimate truth.
The philosopher in me freaks out at these words. "Things can't be so simple!", he says. "There must be more to life than fulfilling hedonistic desire! A hidden truth! A purpose that extends beyond the perception of the senses!", rambles my well intended friend. But there, in his obsession with creating mysteries to solve, he suffers the lonelyness of not surrendering to the gifts of life, to the delicious ecstasy the body he has been dressed with can get if he just stops feeding the mind with complex thoughts.
Were it not for the philosopher, i would already be heading for a tropical place where living in pleasure was easier. But he needs to know: "is it possible for someone with little money, who sacrifices stable income for the freedom to manage his time at his will, forge a relationship with the surrounding Nature in a cold place of the world, that is beneficial enough so that it brings so much prosperity into his life so that what seems tempting from the system will no longer have anything to offer that he can't get from this relationship?" Yeah, long twisted and mind boggering question. But that's the way of this philosopher's mind.
The question can be summarized in a shorter version: "can there ever be true peace?". The philosopher has exhaustively pondered on that dilemma from both rational and religious perspectives. He will not submit to the idea that as long as we feel inner peace, it's ok to enslave other animals or keep feeding the power abusing structures that enslave humanity. He knows he is too small and naive to do anything about it, but he must give it his all before he can come to a final conclusion. He will not take others word for it, he must continue the quest until the very end.
Ah, my philosopher friend. If only you would indulge in more wine and good company rather than making up new questions and despairing for novel answers... What a good time we would have. But i admire your persistence, so i will support your quest and see what lies in store for the consistency and resilience you have invested your pursuit with.