There’s too much seriousness in the world. Everyone seems to put on a strong face like they are working on the next big innovation. But still, nothing much has been done to make the world a better place. Crime rates are increasing, poverty is at its peak in Africa and people are becoming increasingly selfish – so much for being politically correct. Since all that isn’t working, perhaps it’s time to try something different. It isn’t such a bad idea to do something crazy sometimes and actually laugh at yourself. A little laughter here and there can help everyone to be a little bit more relaxed. What better way to do that than to be a douchebag?
Here are a few tips to be a douchebag just for the fun of it.
The first step to becoming a douchebag is to look the part. Remember what they say about being addressed the way you are dressed? Great! You need a change of wardrobe for some new clothes. Well, not new in the real sense of the word. If you are getting them from a thrift store or a home for homeless people, then technically, they aren’t new. You need to stay away from serious looking clothes like sleeve shirts and corporate pants. Collared oversized shirts, trousers and of course big chains will be cool. With these, people will get the gist of your newly found identity from miles away.
Douchebag and good hygiene can’t be mentioned in the same breath. Making any efforts to keep clean will ruin your mission, taking you back to square one. Showering regularly is totally off limits. In fact, you shouldn’t even own things like bathing soap. Just so you don’t become a total mess though, you should consider bathing just once a week; the idea is to be a douchebag and not a mad man. If you are a guy, regular shaving isn’t cool – let the beard grow for weeks.
If you got a good job, there’s no way you’d be great at douchebagism. I’d have said you shouldn’t bother to work at all, but hey, a man has got to survive, right?. So, get a low paying job at a place where cool people wouldn’t dream of working. If by chance you happen to find a job at a pretty decent place, be sure to be a nuisance. When you are supposed to be working like everyone else, be the storyteller who always have a story to tell, distracting others from doing what they are being paid for. Of course, you have to abandon your work – it’s more productive to sit around doing nothing or basically chatting away on your phone. After all, you are there for the money and not to work.
Why would anyone think they are on the same level as you? They must be suffering from high levels of delusions. You are the greatest human alive. Amongst your high school classmates, you are the most successful. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a great job and still live with your parents – all that matters is that you feel very great in your mind. Anyone who doesn’t agree with you is just being difficult and proud.
For some reason, everyone has an opinion of how your way of life is wrong. Seriously? Who died and made them judge over you? They haven’t finished figuring out their lives and they are trying to help you figure out yours. Perhaps they haven’t gotten the memo, you need to tell them to stick it up. Why should you be bothered? After all, you are going to be young forever, so you can afford to be a douchebag for years without losing anything.
