Back in school I heard this alot
if it walks like a dog, bark like a dog, eats like a dog then its a dog .
meaning To understand what something is, you have to look at the features, habits, and actions to determine what it really is.
But it seems a lot of people have failed to use this in their relationship, I am not one to judge relationships but I have seen enough to know when something isn’t right amongst couples.They dismiss so many red flags about their partner in the name of love or for whatever reason.
This issue is personal to me because someone so close to me just ended her marriage in just 9 months.
ONLY 9 months..
I think in the case of divorce this is the shortest I have witnessed, others I have heard but never anyone so close to home. It was too painful to hear.
we sat to talk about the whole relationship from the start first she met him on an online dating platform, I know a lot of people found true love from these platforms but online dating is a NO NO for me but well it was her choice to make.
moving on I could already pick point so many red flags way before they got married according to the things she mentioned and I asked her if she didn’t notice all these things and she said she didn’t at all, it looked all cute to her.
It was cute that He always wants things his way?
It was cute that she was only allowed to hang out with him alone and never with friends?
when she wants to go alone he makes her stay back with him and gradually she lost her friends, he underestimates her a lot and put her self esteem down for little or no reason and so much more.
He doesn’t have any means of income, he gave a story of being fired and starting life afresh when they met and since she was doing well she didn’t bother like she said
little beginning.
According to her in their 6 months of dating he never even showed signs of trying to earn some money or get another job. he was relaxed using her Debit card at will without permission or prior notice.
That only is a major red flag but in all these, they got married and she even got pregnant almost immediately. The pregnancy made her business slow meaning no income and because money was no longer coming in, he started acting out on her, raising voices and almost hitting her.just because she wasn’t bringing in money and that was the end of the marriage.
I know it is just her side of the story and the other side was her baby sister who spent a few days in their home and what she experienced too so the story she gave somewhat relate and makes sense.
I am pissed because it sounded like the red flag was so clear from the start but I do not understand why no one else noticed. I didn’t know because I never met him till the wedding day And never really asked because I am way younger so I wasn’t privileged to most of the information before the marriage.
Besides even if I was closer I don’t think she would listen to me, I am sure her friends complained but like it is said love conquers all
It is really sad how relationships these days do not last anymore. Very few are willing to commit and make the decision to make a relationship work
relationships now are more of a business venture than true love giving more people reason not to commit and it saddens my heart.
Both Families are even trying to sort the issues but he has made up his mind to get a divorce and nothing more not even considering the baby that just arrived.
I still can’t wrap my head around the whole situation, it is sad and it hurts but I guess life goes on.
What specific thing would you see as a major red flag in a relationship?