Love Language

nevies(72)

Published in

Love & Sexuality

Words

782

Reading

4 min

Listen to this post

~5 min

A love language is supposed to be the way(s) a person prefers to show and receive love.

When people ask for your love language they usually don't specify whether it is the language for showing or receiving, they just ask "what is your love language" as if whichever one you mention is supposed to serve for both.

But is that necessarily true? The things you like to do to show love are they also they things you like to have done to you to feel loved?

I think that is usually the case but not always. Things like gender roles and sexual interests can cause this lack of mutuality.

For example, a man can love to provide and protect in order to show his love to his woman, but her providing and protecting him might not be the best way to make him feel loved. In fact that might turn him off to some extent because he's been conditioned to feel like that is something a woman receives, not a man. Thus he might feel emasculated.

In the same way, a woman's most preferred way of showing her love could be by cooking and cleaning for her man but wouldn't feel most loved when those are done for her by her man due to the same reasons immediately above.

Then one way sexual interests can affect this could be in the case of a dom and sub. A dom might take it as a way to show their love but wouldn't want to be dominated. And vice versa.

My Love Language

In my own case I think gender roles and growing up in a more patriarchal and conservative society has affected my own love language mutuality.

That is, the thing I mostly prefer to do to show love is not the same thing I prefer to be done to me in order for me to feel loved.

For me what I love to do the most to show my love for someone is giving them food and delicious things to eat. LOL. I'm not big on cooking so it never involves me cooking, it's always about me buying the things I know are delicious or that they'll enjoy.

I always treat it like showing them discoveries. Once I meet someone I love I spend the rest of the time trying to make them taste all the delicious things and combos that I swear by and watching their reactions.

As I find new things and new places to try out I always try to make sure I make them experience it too.

But I don't think the best way to make me feel loved is to give me food and make me try out delicious things too.

I mean I would be very happy and love it if anyone gives me delicious things, whether they're a love interest or not. But it is not the best way, that is, there is something else that makes me feel more loved.

And that brings me to the love language I love to be spoken to in. And that is quality time. I feel more loved when a person wants to always be with me and spend time with me. But it seems like I'll only enjoy that if I love them too, because someone always wanting to be with you when you don't care about them can be annoying, ain't it?

But not really true in my case. Even if I don't care about them I'll feel loved if they're always wanting to be with me. I said "feel loved", not that I'll fall in love with them 😂. But that can happen too if we click in the right ways.

So that's it. I think gender roles and patriarchy is probably the reason why I don't find myself feeling loved too with the whole food thing but only feel like I'm showing love when I do it. A lil sad. But in all the other ways that matter, though, I'm not a patriarchal or conservative person.

That said, of course these are just the most preferred ways of showing and receiving love. Other love languages that apply to me on a lesser scale than the ones above are: physical touch, acts of service, support, receiving and giving gifts, sexual pleasure.

The End

Hi there, buy my novella Professor Otagburuagu. It promises to be thoroughly entertaining and intellectually stimulating. Written by myself and illustrated by Scandinavian artist @ katharsisdrill.

You can order the hard copy from anywhere in the world via this link:
https://katharsisdrill.art/the-katharsisdrill-shop/professor-otagburuagu/

Thank you!