This story sent by,
An anonymous sister
My age has crossed 26 and is touching 27. My mental state is deteriorating day by day, so much so that it’s impossible to explain to anyone. Still, if you feel kindly, please offer some advice. Otherwise, please don’t say anything harsh.
Now, let’s come to the main point. I am the only daughter of a middle-class family. I have completed my honors and master’s degrees from a reputed public university. My master’s exams are still pending. A few months ago, I got married for the second time. Nine years ago, my first marriage was arranged by my family, but due to various issues, it ended in divorce with the consent of both families. That marriage lasted only a few days. After that, I kept myself busy with my studies and job preparations. Despite my parents’ repeated urging, I was afraid to make a decision about marriage.
Suddenly, during Ramadan, a marriage proposal came through a known person. The man was a citizen of a European country. I initially refused because my father was ill, and I didn’t want a groom living abroad. A few days after Eid, the same person informed me that the man wanted to meet me. Though I declined, he said, meeting doesn’t mean marriage. So, I went to meet him with my younger sister.
As a person, he didn’t seem bad. So, before making any decision, I told him about my past and what kind of life partner I wanted. He agreed with everything I said, and I believed him to be sincere. I didn’t know then that he was hiding another side of himself. He said that after marriage, he would take his wife to live with him. My family initially didn’t agree. However, after some time, his family visited our home. Although everything seemed fine, they backed out after learning about my past. My father also said no. The man then convinced me in various ways, saying he wouldn’t leave me in the country and would take me with him. He explained many things, and like a fool, I believed him. Two days later, he convinced his family, and in the end, he married me with a small dowry. My reason for agreeing was that money isn’t everything. If there’s love and respect, the dowry doesn’t matter.
During the few days he was in the country after the marriage, he spent them well with me. However, I must mention one thing. Out of suspicion, I checked his phone. What I saw deeply hurt me. He was talking to another woman. He had wanted to marry her, but since neither family agreed, the marriage didn’t happen. Still, he kept talking to her while abroad and spoke nicely to me when he was home. After seeing this, I confronted him. He repeatedly assured me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, saying the past is the past. I blocked her myself, but he would unblock her when he went abroad. After some time, due to some issues, he left earlier than planned despite having leave. He said he would return in four or five months.
Even after leaving, he continued talking to that woman, which I later found out by speaking to her. Some days later, I learned I was pregnant. My family advised against keeping the baby and to make a decision. I thought about not keeping it several times, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to terminate it. His family and he also told me to keep it.
Like a fool, I didn’t listen to my family and thought that once the baby was born, he would fix everything, become better, or take care of me. But the opposite happened. Two months later, my father passed away, which was the worst situation for me. From then on, his behavior worsened. He no longer talks regularly like before. He speaks for two to four minutes every three or four days in the afternoon. He has never given me any emotional support. I’ve told his mother and sister about this from the beginning. They always take his side, saying that’s how boys are these days, they hang out a bit, and they’ll talk to him when he returns.
Let me say something about his mother. She is a very narrow-minded and dangerous person. Her language is so vile that there are no words to describe it. I doubt you’d find someone as miserly as her in this village. In my condition, they expect me to stay at their place, cook, and take care of everything. But my body and mind are in such a bad state that I can’t do everything. For this, he often speaks to me harshly, and I have to endure it silently. His mother keeps him under her control. Even if he has to give me something, he consults her first. Yet, he earns well and spends freely on himself without any issue.
On the other hand, I can’t say anything to my family. Since my father’s death, my mother has been unwell. I have a brother, but he’s not a very good person. There’s no one I can confide in. I have exams coming up, so I said I’d go to my father’s house, give my exams, see a doctor, and then return. I need money, but he has a problem with that. He says he’ll cover expenses if I stay at his house, but if I go to my father’s house, it’s their responsibility. Over this, he insults me and my family, calling me cheap, poor, and destitute, among other things.
Now, he won’t take me to live with him. He won’t let me work either, saying I can’t manage his household if I have a job. But if I go to my father’s house, he won’t cover my expenses. I have to stay here, do all the household work, and endure the insults from him and his mother. I can’t take it anymore. On one hand, his lack of communication and mental pressure, and on the other, these insults—it’s all becoming unbearable.
At his house, his mother doesn’t care about my food. I’m not given the nutritious food I should be eating in my condition. She says it’s fine if I don’t eat. Yet, she brags about what she did and fed her daughter when she was pregnant. For me, there’s nothing. I even have to cook things I can’t eat for them. For these reasons, I don’t want to stay here.
My husband, knowing everything about me, says he married me to discipline me. Now, my feelings, likes, dislikes, and emotions have no value to him. I realize I made a huge mistake keeping the baby. If it weren’t for this, I could have found a way out. But in this situation, I can’t tell anyone, can’t endure this, and can’t escape.
I made this decision after much thought, but I never imagined it would turn out like this. I wanted a family where my husband would be by my side in good times and bad, but I’ve returned empty-handed. I don’t know what I should do. Sometimes, I feel like ending my life, but I can’t because of my mother. Other times, I think if someone who’s been deeply betrayed held my hand, maybe I could escape. But I can’t trust men anymore after being so badly deceived.
The person who mediated the marriage knew everything and put me in this situation. Now he has blocked me and claims he knew nothing, though he knew everything, and I was deceived by trusting him. I thought he wouldn’t wish me harm. But my fate is so bad that I’ve been betrayed in every aspect of life by trusting others.
The writing has become very long. Please, no one make harsh comments. Thank you.
Sent by,
An anonymous sister
