Mindful Moments: Perfecting The Pause - Chapter Five (for Beta-Readers)

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For those of you who weren’t aware, I made this announcement a month ago about my new book.

In That Original Post I Explained...

Over the next few months, I’ll be rereading all of the post comments, enhancing the posts, and crafting them into the final chapters. When these chapters are complete I’ll have an open call for beta-readers on Hive to read the manuscript and offer feedback.

What Is A Beta-Reader? (from Wikipedia)

Beta Reader: a test reader of an unreleased work of literature or other writing (similar to beta testing in software), who gives feedback from the point of view of an average reader to the author. A beta reader is not a professional and can therefore provide advice and comments in the opinions of an average reader. This feedback is used by the writer to fix remaining issues with plot, pacing, and consistency. The beta reader also serves as a sounding board to see if the book has had the intended emotional impact.

The Process Of Writing Mindful Moments

This book project has been like no other one I’ve ever worked on. First, it’s taken way longer to write than a book written in the traditional way. Secondly, it’s been so much more enjoyable to let the ideas for the chapters naturally bubble up into my imagination.

I thank you in advance for your notes and feedback in the comments below. It’s been very valuable to me so far and will help to create a book which, hopefully, helps lots of people improve their lives for many years to come.

In this next chapter I talk about one of the most important skills a person can have, being a good listener. When you learn how to listen fully and properly you will be able to count yourself among a particularly rare group of people. Those around you will place a higher value on spending time with you, both personally and professionally. I hope this chapter lays out the basics and offers you a few tools to allow you to continue to actively practice this essential skill in your daily life.

Chapter Five - Listening To Understand

It’s perfectly natural for us as humans to want to evolve, to improve our level of happiness, and our quality of life. Most of us are seeking actionable ways to experience a better life while making the very least amount of effort to do so. Listening to understand is one of the most efficient ways I know to begin to experience life on a new level.

Are you bad at remembering people’s names right after you first meet them? I used to be plagued by this. At social gatherings I would constantly have to ask someone else to remind me the name of a person I just met. If you find yourself struggling to remember someone’s name after first meeting them it’s a very good indicator that you’re ‘listening to reply’ instead of “listening to understand.” This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad listener, it could also be an indicator of some level of social anxiety.

“This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.”― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

[add illustration here]

Communication is the foundation to all human relationships. If who you’re speaking with feels they’re not being heard then you’re not truly connecting with them as well as you could be. In fact by not fully listening you’re doing them, and yourself, a disservice. This can make them feel slighted and unimportant even if that wasn’t your intention to do so. Think of how frustrating it is when you feel the person you’re speaking with seems distracted and isn’t listening to what you have to say.

In the English language the words "listen" and "silent" contain the exact same letters and I like to think it’s no coincidence. To listen deeply we must first learn to quiet our minds and set aside our egos. We must fight every urge to jump into a conversation and interrupt them in the middle of their thought-stream. Despite our best intentions, there's rarely good reason to do this.

When socializing, there’s no need to prove to anyone how much we know, interrupt to share a similar experience, or try to “one up” an experience they’re telling us about. When we’re not speaking and someone else is, we have one job and one job alone, that is to simply listen. Being a good listener will leave most people with a much better impression than anything else you could say or do to try to impress them.

In social interactions all of us want to be heard but life changes drastically when you begin to truly, Listen to Understand. Not only will those people you’re communicating with feel heard, instantly forging a connection with you, but you will gain a much deeper insight into the kind of person they really are.

Deep listening takes practice but once you master it, people will feel a stronger connection with you and vice versa. It will upgrade your personal and professional relationships more than you can even imagine. When you learn how to listen fully and properly you will be able to count yourself among a particularly rare group of human beings. Those people you interact with will feel understood, enriched, and soothed in their interactions with you.

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.” ― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Also, you will learn more from listening than you can believe. Most people are truly fascinating in their own unique ways. I like to say, “All the world’s a library, and each person a book.” This universe is trying its best to teach us all of the lessons we're meant to learn in real-time. Some of those lessons are being taught through others so it's very important to be present when communicating with them. Each moment of our lives should be spent being fully conscious so we don’t miss out on any of those lessons.

Putting Words Into Practice

A good trick I’ve found to remind myself to listen is to make a custom wallpaper and save it to the lock screen of my phone. We all look at our phones probably a hundred times a day so seeing this word repeatedly will subconsciously burn it into your brain.

If you’d like to try this yourself take a photo of the illustration below and save it to your lock screen or as the custom wallpaper on your mobile phone. Each time you open your phone you’ll see it as a reminder to listen deeply when you’re communicating with others. Use the Notes section at the end of this chapter to jot down the details of your attempts at deep listening and record the results and reactions you notice from others.

[Insert Illustration with the words “Listen Deeply” integrated into it that people can snap a photo of and use on their mobile phone.]

Meditation

This simple meditation will help to solidify the intention of becoming a better listener.
Find a quiet place. Sit upright in a comfortable chair with your eyes closed and concentrate on your breath for a count of thirty.

Inhale for a count of 5 through your nose (sniff the flower). Imagine listening to someone. Instead of words, a golden healing light is emanating from them as they speak. You can only absorb this healing energy while you’re listening and not speaking.;
Hold the breath for a count of 5. Absorb this light and lock it inside of you;
Exhale for a count of 7 through your mouth (blow out the candle). Envision the light being exhaled and filling the room you’re in; and
Repeat for as long as you like (at least 3 repetitions).

After you practice this very simple meditation technique for even a few minutes it’s very helpful to linger in that place of peace and calm, focusing your mind on becoming a better listener for both yourself and those around you.

[Insert 6 blank “Notes” pages]

In Gratitude,

~ Eric Vance Walton ~

I am an American novelist, poet, traveler, and crypto-enthusiast. If you’ve enjoyed my work please sign up for my author newsletter at my website. Newsletter subscribers will receive exclusive updates and special offers and your information will never be sold or shared.

Alarm Clock Dawn, one of the first full length novels published on the blockchain, and the book that started it all for me can be found HERE. Or Click Here to read it for free on the Steemit blockchain