Nowadays you're always hearing and reading about true stories regarding adult children going no-contact with their parents. The main reason for it appears to be that these people suffering child abuse at the hands of their parents during their growing years have gotten to the end of their rope.
On the other hand, you don't come across all that many stories about parents themselves going no contact with their adult children. Now, I'm not here to generalize about anyone. However, the way that I feel about this topic is that if you and your significant other are planning to start a family and you believe that you would be capable of severing all ties with your future offspring, then, in my humble opinion, you shouldn't be procreating children in the first place.
If you believe that it is perfectly all right for a parent to disinherit their children in a last will and testament or the likes, then you're definitely not cut out to have children. Parenting is a major commitment, and it is not just for anybody. In other words, if you can't take the heights, then don't climb the mountains.
If you're looking to have kids only to validate yourself, then you have no business procreating children or adopting any child in the first place. Unfortunately, because society and family members place too much pressure on people to get married and start a family in the American culture, there are way too many people becoming parents when they are not suitable to raise children. You don't owe your parents any grandchildren. You owe nobody an explanation for being childless and never married.
If somebody grills you for information regarding why you never got married and started a family, tell that person to get a life. You don't even owe them the common courtesy of dignifying their questions with answers tactfully. You have every right to offend such people, because in this day and age, two wrongs do make a right.
Some of you may wish to ask me the one-million-dollar question. Do I have kids? My response to that question is that whether or not I do so is completely irrelevant to the point of discussion herein. My private life doesn't play into anything that I present herein.
I decided to publish this article here of mine on my PEAKD channel, because it delves into the sensitive subject of child abuse insofar as it would probably be censored on a traditional writing platform. In other words, some of the things I'm going to hit upon may have a triggering effect on some of you, so brace yourselves for anything.
The other day I was surfing around on YouTube, and I came across this one video from a channel named "Psychology with Dr. Ana" that provided a critique about an edition of The Oprah Podcast on YouTube that discussed the topic of adult children going no contact with their parents. Dr. Ana appeared not to be at all impressed with how Oprah Winfrey handled or mishandled such a sensitive topic insofar as Dr. Ana named her video "Why people are going no contact with Oprah."
I so happened to agree with the points that Dr. Ana made in that same video. Below you can view the video.
Dr. Ana Was Not At All Impressed With Oprah Winfrey's Mishandling Of The Subject Of Adult Kids Going No Contact With Parents
Now, in previous articles of mine here on this writing platform, I have made it no secret that I am not a big fan of Oprah Winfrey. I think that she cares about attracting as big of an audience as she can more than she cares about getting down to the actual facts regarding sensitive topics, and this time was no exception.
I concur with Dr. Ana that Ms. Winfrey should not have treated the no-contact epidemic, so to speak, as a trend, in her podcast. What stands out the most about the way that Ms. Winfrey handled the topic or rather mishandled it is that the United States needs to reform its inheritance laws in almost every jurisdiction. The American culture has no place for parental testamentary freedom as far as I am concerned.
I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Ana that Ms. Winfrey decided to post this same podcast of hers on YouTube and wherever else she did so as a business decision rather than out of genuine concern for the people that this topic impacts. You think that Ms. Winfrey would know better than that, because she herself is a survivor of rape and child sexual abuse.
A very powerful point that Dr. Ana makes in her video above is that sometimes talking things out between parents and their adult children after an estrangement may not be an option inasmuch as there will always exist a power imbalance between parents and their offspring. Turning 18 will not cause a child automatically to overcome such a power imbalance.
Nevertheless, I do also believe that such a power imbalance can be significantly alleviated if lawmakers reform the inheritance laws everywhere here in the United States so that no parent will have the legal right to disinherit their kids under any circumstances.
Dr. Ana was not at all impressed with a psychotherapist who appeared as a guest on the podcast. He was Dr. Joshua Coleman. Well, neither was I.
Dr. Coleman revealed that he himself was once an estranged parent. What doesn't seem right about this shrink is that he charges $995 per every 45-minute session. In that respect, his professional demeanor or rather lack thereof bears a strong resemblance to that of forensic psychiatrist Dr. Park Elliott Dietz. The only difference between the two is that Dr. Dietz spends most of his time on the witness stand in court proceedings and no time with patients of his own.
Very much like Dr. Dietz, Dr. Coleman has overstepped his boundaries insofar as his actions have gone in violation of codes of ethics that the American Psychological Association ("A. P. A.") have laid down for people in his profession. Dr. Dietz has to answer up to the American Psychiatric Association instead, but both he and Dr. Coleman are mental-health professionals whose rogue activities leave so very much to be desired.
A dangerously conspicuous red flag that comes up about Dr. Coleman is that he focused on getting estranged parents to attribute Autism Spectrum Disorder ("Asperger's Syndrome") on the part of their offspring as a contributing factor to estrangement. It looks like a recipe to me for him to condone and even encourage abusive parents with Asperger's by proxy to overpower their estranged adult children with Asperger's Syndrome fraud, which is very, very dangerous.
What really disturbs me about Dr. Coleman is that he speaks to Ms. Winfrey as though the expansion of the definition of child-abuse victimhood at the hands of parents through the years is some kind of modern-day fad or trend. Dr. Ana comes back at him and states in her video that it was once normal for parents to abuse their children. I agree with her. I'm always hearing and reading about true stories about how child abuse was no big deal back in the 1970s.
It is no secret that child abuse by parents produces a negative domino effect on a child-abuse victim's life. Therefore, there is no such thing as a thing of the past whenever it comes to child abuse at the hands of parents.
My brother-in-law is a retired police officer, and he believes that after so many decades child abuse can become a thing of the past. After hearing him make that so-called point of his, I began to wonder how many kids were raped and murdered on his watch back when he was still a cop.
Dr. Coleman takes a bias in favor of abusive parents in cases of estrangement. He is a hypocrite. I would never recommend anyone to go to him for psychotherapy any more than I would ever recommend anyone to do business with Dr. Dietz.
Dr. Ana makes a very powerful point that sometimes an adult child has to cut off a parent without any explanation whatsoever, because they fear for their safety. If such a parent cannot be reasoned with, then their offspring owes them no explanation for going no contact with them.
I've come across information that indicates that abusive parents can abuse their grandchildren as well if their offspring continues to interact with them. Everyone has the right to be safe regardless of what the proverbial Ten Commandments say about honoring thy father and thy mother. Then again, I'm an agnostic, so the Bible means nothing to me.
On The Oprah Podcast, I did take the time to listen to what Kendall (spelled phonetically) had to say about going no contact with her adult son. She may be a unicorn, because most parents are at fault for their adult kids cutting all ties with them. Also, most no-contact parents only had kids to validate themselves rather than to provide them with unconditional love. In that respect, the caste system has done more harm than good to our society.
I found it interesting that Dr. Ana pointed out that a Nurse Hadley, a hospice nurse, reported that estranged parents usually only reach out to their adult children to guilt-trip them at their dying bed. That is, their dying wish is usually to manipulate their kids.
A very powerful point that Dr. Ana makes toward the end of her video above is that nobody needs to have their decision to go no-contact with their parents validated by Ms. Winfrey.
After watching Dr. Ana's video above, I went ahead and watched the entire edition of The Oprah Podcast that she critiqued. Below is that same podcast for you to view.
Oprah Winfrey Discussed The Pros And The Cons Of Going No Contact With Parents
What annoys me about Ms. Winfrey at the beginning of this podcast of her is that she insists that she is not there to take sides with anyone. However, she does appear to act more favorably with the estranged parents than she does with their adult children.
After watching this podcast from beginning to end, I was able to pick out additional defects in Dr. Coleman's school of thought that Dr. Ana may have overlooked. Dr. Coleman appeared to shift most of the blame to adult children for estranging themselves from their parents. In fact, he spoke to this one couple, Chris and Bre, as though their estrangement from their respective parents could send the wrong message to their own children. Oh, wow! What an idiot he is!
What I found that a number of estranged parents who spoke on The Oprah Podcast had in common, especially the ones that went no-contact with their adult children on their own volition, was that they liked to whine that their adult children wanted to have their own way about everything. Oh, brother. That's such a lame statement.
There are a truckload of parents that want their own way about everything. They can be unapproachable. They can act like sociopaths that believe that they can do no wrong and that their adult children are the ones who have psychological or mental problems.
I did like the point that Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson made about self-reflection. The only problem I really have with it is that more often than not it ends up being the adult child that takes all the blame for something that wasn't even their fault because of their parents' inability to take accountability for their actions.
If you have a father who is selfish with his money and hoards the family wealth, then you know that he is never going to own up to his own transgressions. He has that let-them-eat-cake kind of attitude whenever one of his adult kids are in dire need of financial help or is about to become homeless and is hungry. Meanwhile, he'll frolic in the lap of luxury.
You only have to look at monsters like the late José Menendez and Joel Steinberg to know that these men are incorrigible and should never have been allowed near children or to father children in the first place. Never feel guilty about going no contact with such a parent, even if it means fighting your siblings over an inheritance.
If some cretin calls you a lazy this or lazy that for making your point about your father hoarding the family wealth, then tell that jerk to go jump into an active volcano pit. The world will not miss him if he does. Especially if he looks like a self-admiring glamor boy or a stuck-up prom king. Usually people like that have abused family members themselves.
If your parent shows you nothing but contempt and disrespect, there is no reason for you to put up with their crap. You only have to observe any forms of behavior as the ones in the video below in order to know that it is time for you to sever all ties with that person. That is, once you realize that your relationship can never be repaired.
Don't Keep Company With Family Members Or Anyone Who Manifests These Kinds Of Behaviors
You may even have a brother or sister that accuses you of being quirky, when that sibling has anger-management issues to which they won't even admit. That is what you call a sociopath, and giving these people even one inch will encourage them to take an entire mile.
Going no contact with a parent or other family members can be a very bumpy journey in the beginning. Below is a video that explains the process and the difficulties of it.
Going No Contact With A Family Member Is Seldom Ever Done Lightly
In the short run, you may feel regret after you have gone no contact with a parent or a family member. However, if that person has been abusive with you for a lengthy period of time, then eventually you're going to feel like the lyrics of the song below after you've pushed that person out of your life.
The Song Titled "Promises, Promises" By Dionne Warwick
Blood is not always thicker than water. In fact, blood can be deadly, especially when it gets all over the place, in figurative words.
Now, I am someone who realizes that every topic has two sides to it, and I don't want to come off as being stubborn and opinionated regarding the topic of family estrangement. I'm not here to pin the blame on any one group of people. I'm well aware that there are situations in which there is plenty of blame to go around.
While I may have a very strong stance on the topic of adult children going no contact with their abusive parents, I am not unaware that on rare occasions, the tables can be turned around in the opposite direction. Below is a video from a woman named Pam who talks about adult children who bankrupt their parents.
Pam Warns Everyone That Adult Children Can Subject Their Aging Parents To Financial Abuse
I remember when I was once working at a social services agency, a woman who looked as though she could have been close to 90 years old had come into the waiting room and walked up to my window on more than one occasion to submit paperwork for her grandson and his baby so that they could obtain social welfare benefits. The grandson and the baby were living with this woman.
It got me very disgusted, because that grandson could have just as easily come down to the social services agency and submitted the paperwork himself instead of making his aging grandmother do it for him. I know that such situations do exist. In that respect, Pam really should have been doing a video about the financial vulnerability of elderly people instead of presenting it as a pity party for all parents in their senior years.
I have watched other videos that Pam has posted on her YouTube channel named "Solo Second Half," and I must admit that she does produce high-quality videos on her channel that delve into some very interesting subjects. The concern that I have about this one video of hers above is that there are a number of fathers who hoard family wealth and will not do anything to share the money with their offspring or help them in times of need.
Also, these same fathers will even go as far as blackmailing their adult children with the threat of disinheriting them if they don't do what they say. Therefore, I contend that Pam's point about blackmail works both ways.
It is a hypocrisy and a double standard among ultraconservatives that everyone needs to pull themselves up by their boot straps and simultaneously put emphasis on the importance of family. These two values simply do not mix in times that an adult child is confronting homelessness and poverty after experiencing some kind of financial tragedy that was due to no fault of their own and their wealthy parents refuse to help them get back on their feet.
What really bewilders me about the above edition of The Oprah Podcast was that nobody brought up the topic of the Jehovah's Witnesses, The Church of Scientology, or the likes. If you watch some of the interviews that actress Leah Remini has given, you'll quickly notice that these cults have unleashed a great amount of destruction on families and have broken them up.
It wasn't too long ago that I watched a video on YouTube about a middle-class family from Chicago that had everything to be happy about, and the Jehovah's Witnesses destroyed them in every way possible. In fact, I have embedded that same video below herein for you to watch.
A Middle-Class Family Lost Everything Because Of The Jehovah's Witnesses
Certainly, anyone can see that the Jehovah's Witnesses destroyed the family in the video above by not only causing estrangement among members of it but also causing untimely deaths within that same family. Why doesn't Oprah Winfrey do a show about that topic on her podcast? I guess she's too afraid of these cultists.
The sad thing about these cults is that there are people who still love their family members who get involuntarily separated from them because of those same family members' involvement in these cults, and there is no way for them to reunite with them without confronting danger and possible murder attempts on their lives. Many of these cults have goons that make people disappear forever.
I bet you that Dr. Joshua Coleman never mentioned anything in his book about families getting broken apart and family members becoming estranged because of cults. He likely doesn't see any profit in doing so.
Chad Franke went no contact with his mother, Ruby Franke, after she went to prison. After she became involved with former psychotherapist Jodi Hildebrandt, she got absorbed into a cult that led her to commit the heinous crimes against her own children that she did. Her oldest daughter, Shari Franke, provides an interview in the video below that lays out most everything that happened in her family's ordeal.
Shari Franke Talks About How Her Life Has Gotten Better Ever Since Her Mother Is No Longer In It
If you want further details about what went down with the Franke family, you can read my article titled "Articles About The Ruby Franke And Jodi Hildebrandt Scandal." Societal spokespeople will rant and rave about how anyone who doesn't get married and have children is selfish, but parents like Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrandt do nothing to give the institutions of marriage and family a good name, to say the least about them.
Perhaps we, as Americans, need to change that same societal norm to go as follows: [People who get married and have children they cannot take care of or treat right are selfish.] It would be so much more logical than clinging on to a social convention that never made much sense in the first place.
This article is copyright-protected.
