During the early stage of my life I never envisioned myself to be a writer despite the fact that I possess some writing skills. expressing my emotions has always been difficult, I know how I feel but most times I'm not capable of explaining how it feels. it seems there is no words that could perfectly describe in details the complexity of my emotions. which is the main reason I Prefered to write poems which I started writing at a young age before I knew what it meant. it was just combinations of disjunctive words, despite the lack of coherence in the wordings structure, it was the only thing that could depicts my emotions. which is quite sad when you think of it.
The way I see the world has always been different either spherical or circular in shape has never mattered to me. My major concern has always been to find a reason for my existence. i mean why are we all here doing God knows what till eventually we cease to exist. It is natural for every human to find their purpose as we grow which kind of just occur to us, a phenomenon called the growth process but I never gave myself time to grow before seeking the answers to questions that can only be found in the process of growth.
Gradually I dive into rigorous thinking, an act most people called being a deep thinker. An obsessive disease of the mind that makes a human more fixated on details of any sort of event draining my ability to have fun since I consider most fun oriented activities to be illogical. My mind is like a database that analyse every action I take before I could even act on it, the major reason behind this act of thinking is to always find a way to figure out if there will be any form of consequences as result of my actions.
This kind of thinking behaviour has its downside and effects, the fear of the unknown. it is no doubt that humans occasionally tends to leap before thinking that has never been my case. in a situation I'm unable to fully understand the complexity of an event I would not be able to take an action. it kind of place my body in a paralysis state, meaning I'm only capable of acting on what is known. I have tried many times to just do things and go with the flow but I'm just lying to myself because along the line my mind will subconsciously start digging for details. I have made a lot of research about it, it is known as a protective mechanism projected by the mind to prevent our physical self from getting hurt, every human has it mine just seem to be more proactive.
That is why whenever I'm participating in a prompt I have to be aware of its details or try to understand the topic as much as possible because the moment my mind detects an unknown variable it starts wondering what that unknown is. until I embark on research to fill that knowledge gap, most times I just feel stuck.
About a two weeks ago I joined the creative work hour {CWH} session held on discord which I found due to dreemport challenge in collaboration with CWH community. unlike every other challenge on dreemport this seems to be a little unusual because it is not just about writing for a prompt. it is more about nurturing inner creativity, something about the session will make you wonder about the reasons behind your writings. is it just for writing sake or does it have a purpose/meaning.
At first I find it difficult to participate in the challenge because it seems too complex for me to understand and my type of thinking doesn't allow me to participate in what I don't understand but thankfully I had 
As I gradually participated in the CWH session on their discord server, I found out something that seems so simple but I never knew about it. it was mentioned by 
It might not seem like much but being able to control my mind from its natural state of feeling the need to know about the unknown, a crazy drive of curiosity. I consider it to be my greatest achievement so far.
This write-up was inspired by
dreemport challenge in collaboration with CWH community.
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