Growing up as a little girl with a lot of older siblings, it was really hard to all the things I wanted. it's either my parents were just being parents and saying no to some of the things I wanted to do,or my older sisters are hovering around reminding me why I'm not allowed to do what I wanted. I couldn't understand it then,why? For example, my siblings were allowed to go and see thier friends after school but I wasn't. It's either I stay back and do my chores or my parents don't trust me enough yo take care of myself. Then I would see my siblings decide to wake up later than usual and it's understandable. If I told my mom I didn't want to eat the food she made, I knew what I was expecting, a death stare.
That was the time I started to dream about having more freedom. I couldn't wait till I become grown and have some measure of freedom like my siblings had. Because honestly,it was so frustrating having no control over your own life. The thought of having to decide things for myself thrilled me. It was like a package I couldn't wait to tear out. A package that would let me sleep when I can,eat when I and do whatever I wanted without seeking for anyone's approval. But here's what I didn't understand then. Each phase of life come with it's own additional package. At that point, I would say the only thing I was thinking about were the things I'm supposed to be enjoying. The part where the adults around me had to work themselves out to be able to provide for me, and part where the had to deal with all the responsibilities and the pressures was completely left of the picture.
I was painting this vague and somewhat distorted view of what it meant to truly be an adult.What I was mentally painting was part of the perks,but it's also only a one sided view. I can tell because right now,I am in the picture and I'm starting to see things differently. The feeling of independence just as I have always dreamt is, turned out good with all it's enjoyment. The joy of having my own say and space and having myself yo be proud of when a good result comes out of my effort. Those are totally amazing but each time it dawns of me that I have grown to take up more responsibility, I always feel like I'm not ready one bit, almost like i wished to go back to needing people attend to my needs.
The bills, and all the financial part of adulthood is just the unavoidable reality. And having to deal with financial expenditures in a country where things are harder than usual is like an extreme sport. You could wake up one day and have all money you need to take care of your bills, or you could wake up and be struggling to get yourself to the next day. It used to be mom holding all my little change together and telling me exactly how I was to use each little tip I got. Now, It's me dotting the 'i's and crossing the 't's myself.I know i have to calculate every financial move so well because, nobody is coming to save me if I ever make the wrong move.
Not just the financial part,every other decision in my life is up to me now. I could only ask for other people's opinions and perspective but in the end, I'm definitely going to do what I deem fit. No more seating back and letting mom or older siblings decide anything for me. I own up my life now and that means every aspect of it. And now that I think of it, I'm happy that I grew up the way I did and I am ever more grateful to my mom and all the older people around me that I drew lessons from. The times I got 'no' from my mom were her teaching I can't always get whatever I wanted all the time because that is not how life works.
Adulting is one crazy ride one has to get on at one point in their lives. The whole excitement of wanting to become an adult overnight so as to enjoy all it's perks is just a part of it. The other parts are the ones we learn to navigate as we eventually become adults. Took me so long fantasizing about it, now I'm here and I don't regret it one bit. Despite the challenges and the the fact that it can be one hell of a bumpy ride, adulting is actually fun.
